Awakened by the Lord!

I never know when God is going reach down within me and pull me to His side to speak His heart into mine. Although, I guess none of us do. Let me udpate you with what has been going on in our family. Most of you know that Jon works full commission as a Financial Advisor and I work part time as a speech therapist. Well as many financial jobs are going with this economy, it has been a struggle. There are many days, when fear gets the best of Jon, knowing that he needs to provide for his family. Through it all, he has remained faithful. He still gives out of every paycheck to the Lord, no matter the amount of the paycheck that month. Jon is an amazing leader to our family.
Anyway...I could go on and on about how amazing my husband is, but that isn't the Word God has placed on my heart. Things have been super tight these past couple of weeks for our family. I work as a contract therapist, so while schools are out...I don't get paid! My cohort and I have looked into me getting more hours to supplement, but every time I have done so, God seems to step in and prevent it. I knew deep down that God will provide our every need, but I, too, was beginning to let fear settle in. This slowly began to creep into my thoughts with the adoption. You see, I feel very strongly that our match is just around the corner. This has really brought my thoughts of bringing a newborn into our home to the forefront! Thoughts rolled through my head...."we still don't have any baby furniture or baby items, our funding is not complete, am I ready to stay up hours at a time with a newborn, and still function the next day with a nine year old, how will we make ends meet with me being part time and not able to find more hours...." Fear was setting in...and the enemy was trying to take a foothold.
On a side note, we have been dealing with some medication and sleep issues with our son since he had surgery. He just is not sleeping at night! I have been pulling my hair trying to figure out what is going on, besides the lack of physical activity due to post surgery requirements, and his ADHD medication, I am baffled. Well, this is where the Lord stepped in!

Last night, Nick was put to bed about 8pm...his normal bedtime. Jon and I went to bed early (9:30p), because Jon was not feeling well. Nick was still awake, which is normal for him, because sometimes it takes him time to settle. Well, I quickly fell asleep and slept hard, until about 12:55a I was jolted awake. Not from a dream or noise, but I believe by God! I suddenly had this feeling that something was wrong. Then, I noticed Nick was quietly standing at the door. I waited to see what he would do... He closed the door. I felt this nudge to go check on him. I quickly got out of bed to follow him, thinking that perhaps he is sleepwalking, which he has been known to do. He was in the kitchen, not sure why, but there he was. I hesitated to see if he indeed was sleepwalking, but soon realized that he wasn't. I followed him back to his room, asking him what he was doing. We opened the door and fumes of paint overwhelmed my senses. I was terrified, angry, sad, and scared all at the same time! I look to the floor to find paint pens that he dug through my office supplies/craft supplies to find. He had been using them with a door closed! Thoughts flooded my mind of what could have happened if the Lord had not jolted me awake! I felt so frustrated and ashamed that I didn't know what to do. As I look around the room, I found our kitchen scissors, paperclips that he was using as staples, and a handwritten letter to a sweet friend of his, Amanda. He was in the process of making something for her.....IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! As I look at my extremely tired child, my mind started working again.... all I could think about were the paint fumes, which could have easily intoxicated this small child's body and affecting him forever! I was mortified! I know in my heart the God woke me from sleep to protect my precious baby. I put him back in bed and went to the living room, unable to sleep. I sat down, pulled out my journal, and prayed!
Here's my journal entry:
Now, here I am unable to sleep out of sheer fear that something will happen to my precious baby. Lord, Thank you for waking me! Father, why is he not sleeping. Please, give me wisdom. I am so desparate for him to sleep at night again.
The Lord's reply: "That is a Mother's Heart, my child."
I continued to stay awake. It was probably 1:30a by now...I was fervently praying for my child to sleep, covering him in God's peace and comfort knowing I could not rest until my child did.
It's nearly 2am and my prayers have been answered...I think. Lord, please give me wisdom as to what to do for my sweet boy. Should I reduce his medication, take him off of it, have him run laps after school, which doctors should I talk to? Father, I need wisdom and peace!
I slowly got up to check on him and he was still restless. I spent the next hour..that's right...until 3am...praying over my little boy. I declared sleep and fought the enemy that was keeping him awake! My child belongs to the Most High! He will sleep the rest of the night! He finally drifted to sleep. I sat there a little bit longer, praising God for His safety and worshipping Him!

Looking back on this, I realize what God is trying to show me. Regardless of how ready or not ready we think we are to have more children, God will be there. He is our provider, our protector, our Rock, our Healer, our Comforter...I could go on forever. I have to trust Him in all aspects of this journey. Our baby will be here soon, but so will God...He was always here and will never leave! I now know that despite how things look in front of me, God will provide and I will trust in Him! As our pastor put it...I need to have a "sure heart." Even though I see that things look dismal, I will trust my Father, completely, and with all that I have. Like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abendigo..even in the midst of the fire, they were standing in, they remained faithful and trust in God! Our family will continue to stand firm on God's promise, no matter what the circumstance may look like in the physical. God wants us to step into a heart of victory and trust and that is where I plan to be!

Sweet, Little one....God is preparing our family for you, because He has big, big plans for your life! When God feels that our whole family is ready, He will bring you home to us!