Rest

Inconsistant - Me; Constant - God; Wavering - Me; Steadfast - God; Broken - Me; Mender - God; Scared - Me; Comforter - God. I realize it has been almost a month since I have sat down and updated our blog and I apologize to those of you who have been checking on a weekly basis for updates. Let me just start by saying that my heart is torn and guarded. Our lives never seem to slow down and I know that God is working diligently to pave our path toward Him, but sometimes my heart longs for rest.... "rest in my presence" He says.... I so desperately want to, but how do I rest? We have not had any leads for possible matches since the twins, which brought my hope to a sudden halt. "Father, what is going on? Isn't this your will for us? Have we not been patient? Have we not been faithful through the numerous trials You brought us through? I need a break, Lord!" I cry from a longing heart of a mother! God continues to mold my faith, as you can see. I am not going to sugar coat it....It's tough! Trusting Him is so hard in the face of trials, but I have to cling to the promise that He is holding my hand and my heart through all of this He has set before me. As we continue to watch the websites for possible situations, one of them posted a message: "Unfortunately we are coming up on a slower time of the year and do not have as many situations to match." Devastation set in, along with a sense of panic for our finances waiting to be utilized for our baby. I quickly e-mailed our precious case worker and asked, "Is this normal? There are slow times for adoption?" As always, she was quick to respond and ease my worries with explanations, kind and supportive words, and prayers for our family. Still a little sad about the prospect of having to wait longer, I settle into the idea of moving forward and trusting God in His timing. In the meantime, we began the exciting process of turning our guest bedroom into a nursery. Nick, Jon, and I painted the room a soft green color (called Cucumber Melon). It turned out wonderful...soft and subtle! We also took a couple of hours to put our baby's crib together. Our baby has a bed! We haven't added any other furniture or decorations, besides a small rabbit (given to our little one by his aunt Kristi and Uncle Peter from Finland) and a grey elephant that sit upon the top of the crib awaiting their precious little one. Jon and I will gradually add a dresser and the rocker/glider to the room as God provides the means and the furniture. My wonderful Aunt Gladys is on standby, now with paint sample in hand, to make our baby's bedding. We are so blessed that our family has offered their time and talents to help provide for our special baby! Thank you!! We will continue to trust God's provision for the room and continue to pray over our little one's room, until then. On days when my hope seems low and almost gone, God always seems to give me peace, "Keep your hope in me....not in the process," He spoke to me today. "I have my plan and it's perfect for your family. Don't rush it or slow it down. Let me hold it for you. Trust me. Cast your cares, your fears, your anxieties on Me. Let me take them, while you rest in my presence." Rest! There it is again! Rest.... one of the definitions being /peace of mind or spirit/. "Father, you are my peace...my rest....when my heart is confused, sad, and anxious. I find my peace/rest in You. Thank you for filling my heart and mind with your peace." For those of you who still would like to give to our adoption fund, we are still hoping for funds through the Lifesong for Orphans fundraising program. We are still $15K short of our goal to bring our little one home. Please let me know if you would like to donate through Lifesong for the tax credit and I will get the information to you. We are so blessed by our family and friends that have helped so far. Please help bring our little one home!

Answers in a day!

On Tuesday morning, as I was spending some much needed time with the Lord, He spoke to me and said, "Your answers are here." That was it! I continued to ask what that meant, but His plain and simple reply, "Your answers are here." Not quite sure what to think of this, but decided to rest in His peace, knowing that God would reveal this to me.

Well, He sure did! That afternoon, I got a phone call from Life Song for Orphans, the non-profit organization that we applied to (7 weeks ago) to try and get another matching grant. We were not offered the matching, but instead the opportunity to utilize their fundraising "kit." "Kit?" That's exactly what Jon and I thought! It is pretty simple, actually. They are supporting our adoption through prayer and also providing a way for our friends and family to donate through them for our adoption and receiving a tax deducation. We just finished this letter and are working sending them out this week! We realize that not everyone can give, but we could truly use prayer from as many friends and family as possible! Okay....we will walk this path of fundraising! God will provide! Also, after looking at the estimated amount still needed to cover our adoption (approx. $13K), we decided to begin an application for an adoption loan, through the ABBA Fund. Not our first choice, but we would like to be prepared.

Later that afternoon, I was checking my e-mail and had just received an e-mail from our consultant asking about the twin and if we had heard anything. Well, right in the middle of responding to her e-mail, the caseworker from A Guardian Angel called me. She said, "Rebecca has made her decision, today, and she has decided to go with another family. But...I have some situations coming up that you will probably be interested in, so keep your eye on our website." Well, honestly, not the answer I wanted, but I definately had an overwhelming peace about it! Our baby is still waiting for us! Nick, on the other hand, was quite upset about this...sobbing and angry all at the same time. We have decided to prayerfully considered each situation, before we tell Nicholas, since this impacted him so much.

Jon and I also had some other personal questions answered that same day, as well! God is truly in control of all. Letting go of control is one of the hardest things that we can do as His children, but until we do, God can't use us efficiently and pour His blessings into our lives like He desires to do so. We have to learn to align our desires with His desires!

We continue to wait on additional situations of available little ones and for God to bring the remainder of our financing for our adoption. Please continue to pray for God's provision and for our little waiting, who is growing and waiting to be with us!