Be still and wait patiently on Him..... A week later.

So it's been a week since God walked beside us along an incredibly difficult journey with one precious little girl.  I know that many are wondering how we are doing.  My typical answer is, "We are good.  We know that God is faithful and He is good.  We are just trusting Him."  While this answer is completely and whole heartedly true, it only hits the surface that God is digging under to reveal His heart and our heart.

I have to confess, my heart was taken into a place of discouragement, yesterday.  It became anxious in the unknown and the plan God has planned for our family.  I am by no means doubting God's promise, but my heart burdened and longed for this little girl that God has intended for our family.  My heart began longing for our little girl, not the little girl we prayed over, but our little girl.  I was able to ask for prayer by some friends and then Jon and I prayed through this last night.

As morning came, I felt God saying, "Press into me."  I brought before Him our concerns.  What about the funding that is still with this agency? Should we move it back to give us more opportunity outside this agency only to be thrown back into a bigger pool, again instead of having priority?  Should we update our almost expiring home study?  Lord, what do we do?  His answer, "Be still.  Rest in Me."  What?!  Father, I've been waiting.  What do you mean be still?  My daughter needs me and cannot rest until she is in my arms.  His response, "Be still. Do not be anxious.  I'm preparing the way."  I literally fought this battle within my heart all day, yesterday, but I know God is good, I just. have. to. let. go....  Easier said than done.

"Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.  Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn."  Psalm 37:3-6

"Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him....." Psalm 37:7

These verses are what God wants me to imprint onto my heart and into my mind and all over my spirit, today.  I keep moving forward, one step at a time, waiting on the Lord to fulfill His promise.  It will happen.  Not in my timing, but in His perfect timing.

God continually reminds me this journey is far bigger than me.  Far bigger than Jon.  Far bigger than any agency can fathom.  This journey continues to be about God and His glory.  It has nothing to do about me.  Yes, it's a struggle, but God is with us and has always been with us.

Thank you for your continuous prayers over our family.  They are felt.  This journey is rocking the core of many people, including the agency we are working with, the grant and loan companies, other friends, and family members.  God is being glorified through this and we continue to ask that you pray for us as we continue to walk out this journey...this mission...God has our family on.  God is moving and we will continue to update you as God moves.....

Walking a 48 hour path of extreme trust

"This will be a journey of My provision, My glory, and complete/extreme trust in Me."  

These words ring through my heart this morning after we walked one of the hardest paths God has called us into.  I look back this morning, still grieving, but finally at peace knowing we are within the Will of God.  Let me take you on this journey for a minute and as you read this and walk it with us, open your heart to see God at work and not to let your heart see the negativity.

Last Wednesday, October 23rd, God called me into a heart of repentence for bondage that had overtaken my heart. Straight from my journal entry that morning:

"It's time.  Proclaim my faithfulness, healing, and glory. Time to expose your heart even more sweet daughter.  I will give you time and I will write the words, but it's time humble yourself and expose your heart and the glory of my name.  Don't worry about the words you will say.  I will write them.  Just let me use you.  Don't hinder me and my truth and glory.  This is all about me, not about you, Tiffany.  You asked to be used as a vessel, now let me work through you.  You have to let go of the reigns and give them to me."

As I rewrite this into this blog, God was already preparing us and we were not even aware.  We were used as His vessels...for His Glory!

 I  released all of that and asked for forgiveness. (Another post)  Within 20 minutes of that posting we were matched with a birth mom situation that we knew was from God.  From the very beginning, I had not only peace, but uneasiness in this situation.  I felt God say move forward, this is for you, just trust in Me.  So, we did.  We followed Him onto a path of the unknown, but a path God needed us to walk for Him.  At the time, we didn't know why, but we had to be obedient and keep our hope in Him.

As I look at the following journal entry..I am right now seeing how God was preparing my spirit for what was coming.  The verse written on October 24th was 

"To shine on those living in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the path of peace."  Luke 1:79

He was preparing our hearts to walk among the darkness of this little one's family.  Strengthening us to pray continually, without ceasing for her heart.

In the days that followed, God started filling the financial gap that we needed for this little girl, showing us his amazing provision as we trusted him.  

On October 28th, the verse written in my journal was:

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you."  Psalm 32:8

God's Word into my heart that day was:

"Daughter, let me guide you with each task and I will fill you up with peace, time, and strength.  Rest and I will let you know what's next."

The day before little lady was born,  this is the verse written in my journal:

"Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."  Hebrews 12:3

You see, God was preparing us for something we couldn't fathom, but God knew we could handle.  We asked to be his vessel and to work through us, and He did.  Here is how it unfolded...

We were called on October 30th at 5:30 am that mom was in delivery.  We frantically got up and ready and drove an hour to where mom and baby were.  We got there after she was born and could only look at her from a window in the nursery.  We had to jumped about a million hoops, have forms signed and notarized by mom and hospital to even hold and see her.  Two hours later, she was in our arms.  We were rejoicing and praying for and over this sweet little girl.  As we were holding this sweet girl, the enemy was churning the hearts of birth mom's family, who were completely opposed of this adoption.  Grandma was stirring the waters.  Mom was very clear about her decision to place her child for adoption, knowing that she had a future for herself, her four year old daughter, and this little one.  She refused to see the baby, have her family see the baby, and had her name taken off the baby's crib in the nursery.  She wanted no one to be in touch with this child, except for us.  It was completely closed, yet we had to wait 48 hours until she could sign papers to release her rights to her.  Those were the most stressful 48 hours as mom's family continued to try and sway her.  She stood firm.  That night our caseworker had some time to sit and chat with the mom about her decision and how she was feeling without the influence of family.  She walked out that night and into the next morning feeling confident that mom was 100% in on this adoption.  We arrived the next morning, ready to hold our sweet girl, yet our nerves were still high.  We continued to hold her, pray for her, and had worship music pouring into all of our hearts as we rocked her.  Then the roller coaster started again.  Grandma was asking to see the baby, while mom refused.  She was finally able to with mom permission and we went to lunch.  We came back and things changed.  Birth mom's so called positive influence that was supporting this decision came in and after talking with grandma, was also swayed.  We got a call...Birth mom wants to see the baby.  We sat there empty, yet praying and pressing into the Lord.  We prayed for that little girl so hard and with all of our hearts and just trusted the Lord.  Baby came back in and case worker followed.  "mom wants to keep her."  Our hearts sunk.  We were devastated and just cried and cried.  We knew God had a purpose, but at that moment, we couldn't quite see it.  We were shaken to our core!  After tears with our wonderful caseworker, we left in tears, heartbroken, and ready to hold and love our two boys at home.  

This morning, I woke up, as if it was all a bad dream, but it wasn't, it was so real.  My phone was full of encouraging words and prayers, but my heart was still hurting so badly.  One of my dear friends, reminded me of the very beginning of this journey and my unsettled heart and that God knew the plans for this.  I released this to the Lord and cried in desperation for what the purpose of this journey was.  This is the text I sent straight to my consultant through the words God placed into my heart:

This has been one of the hardest 48 hours ever!  A friend of mine reminding me that my heart was truly unsettled about this situation but I chose to follow God and trust Him.  As I have worked through this in my heart and have cried out to the Lord all night and morning I felt Him whispering in my heart to keep trusting Him.  As hard as it is to go forward, we must for the sake of His Kingdom.  I believe God spoke into my heart that He planted us in the life of this little girl for a greater purpose.  Not to just love and hug on her the first two days of her life, but to pray over her, speak God's truth into her heart and spirit, and to cover her life with prayer from 100s of prayer warriors.  This little girl is meant to be a daughter of the Most High and God planted us there to cover her in God's protection and fill her up with His love that will give her heart the longing to love Him so deeply.  I know I will continue to grieve but I know God's love and plan is perfect and He will bring our little girl into our home in His timing.

Our hearts are definitely healing and we are now confident that God knows the bigger picture for our family and His kingdom.  We will remain in his arms and continue to trust in his goodness and faithfulness to bring our little girl home.  If this is the journey that God has called us on to in order for His Glory to be shown, then we choose to walk it.  We choose to go through the valleys, cross the rivers, and stand on His mountain top in order for His glory to be shown to all.  God sacrificed His Son for our life, are we willing to sacrifice for Him?  We are saying and absolute YES.  Would we do this again?  YES.  Would we continue if it meant more struggles?  YES. God is still good and we are still his children.  We continue to walk His journey of provision, His glory, and trust in Him.

Praying over baby girl