We sit at about 3-4 weeks shy of a year of the time we began this journey with our initial contacts to start our adoption journey. It's hard to believe it has been that long, yet it almost feels like an eternity. As I have mentioned before, God's timing is everything in all that we have done and are going through. This journey has definately had many emotional up and downs within it and continues to take us on a roller coaster ride. Through this, though, God has done some amazing works not only through Jon, Nick, and I, but to family and friends along this journey with us.
I have to first admit that these last few weeks have been emotionally trying on me, perhaps on Jon, but especially on me. I don't share this with you for pity, but for God's triumph over the pain and how involved He truly is in all of our lives! Our profile has been shown a couple more times to birth moms, each time bringing our hopes to a soaring level, but then back down to the bottom when the call came, "I am so sorry but the birthmom has chosen another family." Our hope was shaken, along with our trust, and faith that this was God's will. "Is there something wrong with us?" Jon would ask. "Absolutely not. That baby is not your baby. Rest in Me. Your baby will arrive in my perfect timing." This word from the Lord didn't come this easily this time. I had to cry, be angry, and seek prayer for this one. Through our consultant and my sweet friend, Mandy, God lifted our hopes and spirits into God's timing. (Whew! we are not alone in how we are feeling!)
As my mind continued to move at a whirlwind speed with our adoption, I started to read a lot more in order to ease my ever moving mind. If you haven't picked up a Francine Rivers book...I would highly recommend it. I just finished the Mark of the Lion series and God spoke directly to my heart through the characters and their faith. It made me realize that God allows many things to happen in our life to draw us closer to Him. (Wait! I already knew that!) It was just said and mentioned over and over again throughout the series and seeing the fruits/blessings of the characters' endurance finally solidified it into my heart! One character, specifically drew my attention, as probably most the readers. Her name is Hadassah. A girl taken from her home after her entire family was killed, and sent to Rome into slavery. One of her first thoughts that caught me was in the form of "Why me, Lord? My faith is not the strongest in my family. Why did you not take me to heaven and leave my brother?" She may have had little faith in the beginning, but God used each circumstance to prove His love and protection over her. When she continued to trust God through the hard times, and I mean worse than we could ever imagine now, God was ALWAYS with her. She stood her ground in her faith, yet humbly and faithfully served others as her Lord would ask of her. Her faith was tranformed thoughout this book. From a wavering faith to a faith strong enough to look death in the eye and proclaim God's love to all! (Lord, this is the heart that I want!) This book captured my mind and my daily thoughts even after reading them. I continued to take scenarios from this series and apply it to my life. Yes, even a book written out of someone else mind, can be used by God to transform the heart.
Pray for those who persecute you. Another lesson learned. I know that adoption is not the calling of many people, but I seem to hold a little chip on my shoulder for those who openly did not support it. Well, God is breaking that chip away. He let me encounter this just recently. I realized...or I should say, God helped me realize that our adoption was truly not the heart of some people we know. Comments were made in conversation that crushed me. They made me feel unworthy, angry, sad, and worthless all at the same time. I began to lash out, but God quickly reprimanded me before I could. "Wait, what are you doing? Stop what you are about to say and leave it with me." I quickly walked away and let God run scripture through my head, that believe it or not, was scriptures that I remembered from the book I was reading. God brought me to His feet, struggling with peace, but wrapping my mind in His words. As the scriptures ran through my head I struggled to pray for those who had slandered us with unkind words. I remember saying, "Lord, please bring peace to me. Break the tension that has just unfolded before us." That's when a special person walked in and I knew God sent her for my peace for the remainder of the evening. Her faith and support was what kept my mind at peace, even though I didn't talk much after this situation, I knew God's peace had followed her into this home. Yes, I still struggle with what happened, but I know God is preparing us. I know that He will always be with us throughout this process and as He continues to bring His precious children into our home! Hearts will be changed, but it won't be by my power, but through God's power and Words.
As I sit here and share this with people I may have never known, or those of you that I know from other seasons in my life, or those of you who are in the current season of my life, God reminds me that seasons do change. With each new season, He brings different people into our lives to encourage us or for us to encourage them. Do you realize that those in your life may only be a part of your life for a season, like a passing wind? What is your impact on their lives going to be. Will God be able to leave a lasting impression on their lives through you? I know that God has brought people into my life through my current job, for a short season of 9 months, but that was all God needed to encourage me and to encourage them that God is in all things! Through this nine months, I was able to support, encourage, and pray for a precious lady that had the world against from the beginning of the school year. Now, God has proven faithful and has begun opening doors for her, taking her away, but leading her into His will. She crossed my path, though, and God made me realize how important relationships are, even at work! He also brought another sweet and amazing woman into my path, not at the beginning of the year, but let's just say, in absolute perfect timing. She and I were able to pray fervently for each other and support each other through some very emotional issues in our lives. She then went through a season of pouring that began pulling her in all sorts of directions. I felt God saying, "Encourage, pray, and love on her." Although she is not completely out of this season, yet, I know God is moving in her life and I know God is going to bless her faithfulness in Him. (How do I know this? God is good and He has only mentioned it everytime I see her!) I will dearly miss these two precious women, but know God has entwined our hearts that we will continue to follow God's path for our lives and will one day see each other again, knowing that we crossed paths in God's amazing will!
Let's wrap it up! I pray that this encourages you in whatever journey God has you and your family on. Remember He is bigger than any mountain placed in front of you. Blessings to each of you as you have read this.
