Rest

Inconsistant - Me; Constant - God; Wavering - Me; Steadfast - God; Broken - Me; Mender - God; Scared - Me; Comforter - God. I realize it has been almost a month since I have sat down and updated our blog and I apologize to those of you who have been checking on a weekly basis for updates. Let me just start by saying that my heart is torn and guarded. Our lives never seem to slow down and I know that God is working diligently to pave our path toward Him, but sometimes my heart longs for rest.... "rest in my presence" He says.... I so desperately want to, but how do I rest? We have not had any leads for possible matches since the twins, which brought my hope to a sudden halt. "Father, what is going on? Isn't this your will for us? Have we not been patient? Have we not been faithful through the numerous trials You brought us through? I need a break, Lord!" I cry from a longing heart of a mother! God continues to mold my faith, as you can see. I am not going to sugar coat it....It's tough! Trusting Him is so hard in the face of trials, but I have to cling to the promise that He is holding my hand and my heart through all of this He has set before me. As we continue to watch the websites for possible situations, one of them posted a message: "Unfortunately we are coming up on a slower time of the year and do not have as many situations to match." Devastation set in, along with a sense of panic for our finances waiting to be utilized for our baby. I quickly e-mailed our precious case worker and asked, "Is this normal? There are slow times for adoption?" As always, she was quick to respond and ease my worries with explanations, kind and supportive words, and prayers for our family. Still a little sad about the prospect of having to wait longer, I settle into the idea of moving forward and trusting God in His timing. In the meantime, we began the exciting process of turning our guest bedroom into a nursery. Nick, Jon, and I painted the room a soft green color (called Cucumber Melon). It turned out wonderful...soft and subtle! We also took a couple of hours to put our baby's crib together. Our baby has a bed! We haven't added any other furniture or decorations, besides a small rabbit (given to our little one by his aunt Kristi and Uncle Peter from Finland) and a grey elephant that sit upon the top of the crib awaiting their precious little one. Jon and I will gradually add a dresser and the rocker/glider to the room as God provides the means and the furniture. My wonderful Aunt Gladys is on standby, now with paint sample in hand, to make our baby's bedding. We are so blessed that our family has offered their time and talents to help provide for our special baby! Thank you!! We will continue to trust God's provision for the room and continue to pray over our little one's room, until then. On days when my hope seems low and almost gone, God always seems to give me peace, "Keep your hope in me....not in the process," He spoke to me today. "I have my plan and it's perfect for your family. Don't rush it or slow it down. Let me hold it for you. Trust me. Cast your cares, your fears, your anxieties on Me. Let me take them, while you rest in my presence." Rest! There it is again! Rest.... one of the definitions being /peace of mind or spirit/. "Father, you are my peace...my rest....when my heart is confused, sad, and anxious. I find my peace/rest in You. Thank you for filling my heart and mind with your peace." For those of you who still would like to give to our adoption fund, we are still hoping for funds through the Lifesong for Orphans fundraising program. We are still $15K short of our goal to bring our little one home. Please let me know if you would like to donate through Lifesong for the tax credit and I will get the information to you. We are so blessed by our family and friends that have helped so far. Please help bring our little one home!