Come before Me

A whisper in my mind and in my heart saying, "Come before Me." The vision seen: Upon my knees and head down on the floor in worship to my Father. This whisper and vision has been tugging at my heart for 3 weeks! "I hear you, Lord, but when do I have time to stop everything in my life to lay on the floor? I can't seem to catch up on any aspect of my life right now, how can I do this too? " His plea never subsided, never ceased, but only grew stronger within my heart. "Father, give me time and I will come before You." That's exactly what He did! I asked and He gave.... Now not all requests are ever that easy, especially within my life, but I knew for God to open this time to come before Him, His words were extremely important and urgent for me to hear, right now! Let me rewind back a few weeks, before I share God's words for me. Jon and I are still anxiously awaiting our match with our precious little one. We have had a our profile shown to another birthmom, which was not God's will, but we still remain in His timing. Our grant through Lifesong has not been moving as we had hoped it would move, although, we were extremely blessed by a few people that have currently donated. My hopes...possibly Jon's...started to spiral down to where my heart ached and my anxieties increased for what God was doing with our family. In addition, we have had behavior problems with our son, that have drained the energy from us. Not sure if this "his age" or something completely else. We have also been seeing my doctor that was able to remove my endometriosis this past fall about what our options are. This decision has truly torn my heart into pieces. Do I want to go back down that road again? According to the doctor, "this is your time. Your endometriosis is gone for the time being." But, God has called us to adopt. Why would I even want to consider any type of fertility treatment at this point? Would I be going against God's will if we pursued the smallest form of fertility, while we were in the process of adopting? What would people think of us for trying fertility while trying to adopt at the same time? I was exhausted and overwhelmed with all of these thoughts, emotions, decisions that were running through my mind and heart. Gratefully, through all of this God deepened a relationship with a person at the school I work at. Someone whose heart aligned with mine in some strange way. Her heart is connected to the Father and thus He connected her with me as tool to use for Him. We have been able to pray for each other and share our thoughts and concerns with each, knowing that we will be diligently praying for God's wisdom and guidance in each other's lives. Through her, God has opened my eyes and my mind to what He truly wants me to do..... From God, through her, " Maybe He is waiting for you to give it 100% to him before blessing you with a baby." Wow, this struck me hard. Had I not been giving all of this "stuff" to Him already? The following morning, God reminded me, "Let go! Rest in me. Seek Me. When you begin to think or worry about these things, give them over to me, each time." "each time" That means I must continue to hand these things to the Lord. Not just once, but every day! When they trickle into my mind to try and control, give them to Him! Easier said than done, right? With this, I started handing these things over daily and told Jon God's words from this. We have started each morning, praying together, releasing these situations in our lives into the Father's hands. We continue to wait on His blessings as we do as He asked of us. This brings me to the beginning...as I was driving home from my half day of work, today, God sent "Come before Me," once again. Then I heard, "There is nothing in your way, come before me." So I came home, turned on worship music and went before our Lord, face to the ground in worship to my Loving Father. Immediately, He brought an amazing vision to me: A woman with a handful of wild flowers, wildly out of control, but blooming so beautifully in color. She hand me a bunch of them as I was worshipping God. She then turned and gave some to another woman and continued to do this with others. Lord, what did this mean? Our lives are like wild flowers. Before the blooms, they appear as weeds, needing to be cut down, but wait.....give them time...wait for their perfect time and they will bloom into a radiant beautiful flower and overcome the weed it once was thought to be. Your life may seem so tangled and like a field of weeds, but wait on Him and you will bloom through His outpouring of blessings showering over you to turn your life into beauty. Wow...I quickly wrote this down and went back to His feet, knowing that He wasn't finished. On my knees, head on the ground, and hands over my head, "Lord, please come and dwell in this place..." "You have to surrender, everyday. It's not just a one time occurence. Human nature wants you to control every aspect of your life. You need to come to me, daily, and surrender control to Me. I am here to receive everyday, but you have to be willing to give/surrender to Me, everyday. Are you ready to surrender, today? Then open your hands and hand them to me." Confirmation....I felt like He was telling me ....do you get the picture, yet? How many times must I remind you? Loud and clear! God is so patient with us and knows exactly what we need and when we need it or need to hear it. I believe that God is in control of my life, no matter how out of control it may seem to me. He has each detail in the palm of His hand and I will rest, now, knowing that He is in control. Thank you, Lord, for loving me so much that You would continue to wait on me. Thank you for my sweet friend at school that has encouraged me and given me someone to talk to that "gets me." Thank you for opening my heart to your words and for letting the Holy Spirit continue to nudge me on a daily basis to bring to your feet. I am so blessed.