Some of you keep up with the on goings of our family through facebook or through this blog and know that things have been unsettled with our Nick. I feel as though his symptoms are worsening and my parenting skills are less than desirable at times, but then I get a quick reminder from a friend that I'm a good mom and I am doing a good job....and I'm not alone. Most recently, Nick pulled an all nighter on a school night. One of his symptoms of FASD (insomnia). Along with this moment, he had many other moments/symptoms prevail through this one night. Here is the e-mail I sent to his poor teachers the morning after his all night escapade....
Wow! Not even sure what other words can describe the current situation with nick. My husband came out of our room this morning about 6:15 to find nick with both our laptops, paper shredded around the room, and room a mess. I quickly got into our computers browsing history, knowing he was unable to get onto his own to see what he was doing. He attempted to get into our Times up Kidz account to change the settings for his own computer, nearly repurchasing the program. He also got into our I tunes account trying to change the password and log into my I pad. He was also on numerous games. The browsing history showed online activity from 4:30am! I know?! What!! We believe he may have been up most of the night, if not all night! Unfortunately a symptom of the Fetal alcohol is insomnia, but we refuse to accept that he didn't try to sleep or let us know he couldn't sleep! I'm telling you this because, needless to say, our morning has been extremely rough. Lots of meltdowns, fits, and destruction. ( I know, hard to believe the nick you see does this!) He is exhausted and looks awful, but we will not let him stay home. He needs to understand that sleep is important and necessary to function. This will be a natural consequence with later consequences. Please don't feel sorry for him or take pity on him. Treat him as though he got the sleep he needed, because that is a real life situation for normal people. We will take action at home to make sure this doesn't happen at this extreme again, but will always keep you posted. We do have an appointment with a psychologist next week.
I'm sorry to send him to school like this, but as parents, we must follow through. Please, keep me posted throughout the day.
Thank you so much and well, good luck.
Thank you so much and well, good luck.
How in the world do we deal with this? I know, God has his reasoning, timing, and purpose in all we encounter. We just have to learn to step aside and let Him take the lead no matter how much we (I) want to control it. I believe God doesn't think I'm stepping aside enough, because He is spoken directly to my heart to move again! What?! are you kidding me? "Lord, I can hardly handle this situation I am in now...you want us to what?!" "I am working...trust Me." I ask the same...how is He working and what is this new adventure.
How is God working?
We recently visited a Psychologist for Nick, because we honestly didn't know where to turn. His self-esteem has sunken into thoughts of "I'm a failure, mom," "I will never do anything right." His anxiety is so high at times that I have to remind him, Nick, it's okay, We are here and nothing is going to happen. He will begin crying, because he is afraid the baby is going to fall or will get hurt. He is beginning to obsess about things that he shouldn't obsess about and then tail spins when something doesn't go how he sees it in his head. He has begun throwing things and punching walls when his anger sets in. What is happening to my child, Lord? After meeting with this psychologist, who is a believer, our hearts seem to settle, because we felt we were finally on the right track, but now we have an additional journey with Nick. He will begin with therapy, social skills groups, and we were referred to a psychiatrist (which we can't get into until January....God's timing). She also wants a brain scan/CT done because his language is so abnormally high compared to his other cognitive scores. Ok...on the right track, lets do this. Until then...Lord, please grab hold of our family as we muster through his anguish with him. My heart aches for him, but my mind goes crazy during his spells. I love this child beyond my control, but this disorder has captured my child and won't let go! I was so blessed this morning by Nick's carpool. They did a Bible study on the way to school and she texted me to tell me that Nick was praying for his teachers in the car. Thank you....you truly don't know how moments like that are desperately needed in our home these days and we need to hear them more than usual about Nick. My child is in there...we just need to help him emerge out of this shell he is trapped in.
I know...what's this new adventure...well, I shouldn't be saying anything, because it won't be revealed to family until Thanksgiving, but I don't plan on posting this to Facebook, so I doubt they will read this. Here is how we started...e-mails to our consultant and social worker, first.
In the midst of the doctors appointments and changes in our life, God has decided to press into our hearts to start the process to adopt again. We have been praying for at least 4 months, now, about God's timing and believe that our time is here to start the paperwork rolling to bring our next little one home. I, personally, knew this was going to happen sooner than January, because my heart started aching for something I couldn't define. After going to the Lord about this ache and this "missing piece," He showed me the pieces missing were his children longing to be in our home. I talk to Jon about this and felt that this ache and longing wasn't going to go away on it's own and that God was going to fill it with his love and with our children. I told him, "Jon, God is not done, yet, and He wants us to move now." As you know, Jon has been very hesitant, because, I am staying home now and he is consumed in his job (which God called him out on, just last night). After praying together, discussing, and listening to each other and the Lord, we decided it was time to take a leap of faith and watch God move.
The scary thing, we have no idea how the funds will be there, but again, God says, "move over, I'm in control here. Wait and trust me. " We were told to make the first steps of contact and now we are waiting on the Lord for his provision. He has to provide, because we are unable to do this on our own. We know this is His voice, not ours, because who in their right mind starts an endeavor like this under the circumstances we are in? Paperwork sits next me, filled out and ready to send to our consultant, but the check is empty, waiting for God to fill it in so we can fulfill his desires for our family.
"Lord, this is in your hands. I release it, fully and completely into your hands. You know the exact amount needed to begin this process and You know exactly where it's coming from. You have our children picked and ready for your kingdom and our family. We wait for you, Father. My heart continues to ache as the Father aches for his children to come home. They are waiting for us as we are waiting on you, Lord. We are ready to bring them home, but only in your timing and under your hands."
No comments:
Post a Comment