"Trust in me and I will provide, so all the glory may be given to Me."

"Trust in me and I will provide, so all the glory may be given to Me."

Jon and I both had to step back this past week and listen to what God was trying to tell us for the past month.  We all get so busy in life and in our expectations of how things should be that we don't always see what God is putting right in front of us or trying to teach us.  

Do you remember when I posted about our first call into this third adoption and how God was telling me that each adoption is a journey in which He will teach us and increase our faith in Him.  He specifically spoke three things into my heart for this adoption, trust in Him, He is our provision, and He will be glorified.  Although, I understand what God meant, I didn't always walk in these truths and challenges.  As we began to fill out applications for grants, we still trusted in God's provision....for the most part.  We had been discussing fundraiser opportunities in addition to the shirts we were/are selling and came up with one that we thought for sure was going to help.  I put a lot of time into finding donations and making videos and writing e-mails.  All through this process, though, one thing was missing.  Our complete trust in God's provision!  We worried that no one would step up and tried to push this fundraiser for two weeks with no avail.  We had one person step into the role of a Team Leader, but this was not enough.  We truly felt defeated and frustrated.  That's when we went before the Lord....something we should have been doing since the beginning and continued doing.  

We BOTH felt God saying pursue and move forward, because I will provide.  "My dear children...you must trust Me."  We went ahead and sent applications, profiles, and homestudies to two agencies with not enough money in our worldly bank, but with a complete trust in God's provision.  While those went in the mail, we dug deeper into God's Word and listening each day to what He wants to say and do, not what we want to say and do.  We sit and pray each morning, handing this over to Him and trusting Him completely in each detail, including the funding for this baby.  Our hearts are longing for our little one and feel that she is currently growing in waiting for us.  We still haven't seen the worldly provision for this adoption, but are trusting God in His plan for our little one.

Jon and I would like to ask you...are you willing to dig deep and pray alongside of our family in faith for God's timing, provision, and guidance with this adoption?  

Why Adopt, again?

So many things happening within our family and I just can't seem to keep up, but I know this question, "Why Adopt, again?" must weigh on many of your minds.  This question stirred my heart for a long time before we moved forward with this third adoption.  So I dug deeper to understand the meaning of why we are on this path to adopt, again.

Why adopt?  Lord, I ask you this question, daily.  Is this truly my heart, only, or is this your ultimate desire and heart for our family?  Am I being selfish, when I have the most amazing husband and two precious boys?  Perhaps, you may think I am not content with my family of boys.  I struggled with this thought and still do at times, but God always brings me to His heart and reminds me.  "This is my heart.  Please stop questioning my desire for your family."  So that being said, I feel God reminds me, "Tiffany, you are more content with your life and family than even you know, but my heart is not content until my will for your family is fulfilled.  My will is to fill your home with my orphans.  My desire is to fill your heart with so much love that you will always feel content no matter how many children I bring into your home.  My heart is to fill your cup up and run it over with love and joy, so that your heart continues to pour out and spill over the joy and love you have for my orphans, your children."

WOW!!  Such an amazing confirmation that I must move forward within His will and trust Him at all times.  I still struggle, daily, with trusting, completely and whole-heartedly that the provision will be there, but God knows how, when, and where things will come from for all of our children!

Doesn't make sense?  Then listen to this....

God set his will in motion for adoption in our family before I was even born.  Through Jon's grandfather and my mother, God placed his heart of adoption on our family before Jon and I ever met.  You see, Jon's grandfather grew up in an orphanage because his parents were unable to afford his care. My mother always had a heart for the orphans, so she became a foster mom and adopted our first son to remind us that every child is a gift, no matter the disability.  Jon and I struggled with fertility for 8 years for reasons only God knew the answer to, which led us to adoption, but ultimately, God's hand was in our family since before we were both born!!  God closed a door, so that we would walk through the door that He had for us.  Adoption.

Am I pursuing pregnancy?  You know you want to know.
I am not.  My heart is no longer there.  My heart is singing and shouting adoption to bring these children into a home.  I will admit.  Once in a blue moon I am wonder what it would be like to be pregnant, but those thoughts are fleeting when I see my children and the amazing gift they are to me.  Someone once said to me, "there is something about giving birth to your "own" baby that truly makes you a mother."  Although, this was hard to hear at the time, I know in my heart that this is not from the Lord, because pregnancy and birth of child doesn't make you a mother.  God makes you a mother.  I am a mother!   I am a mother to my two beautiful boys and will be the mother of many more to come, because God has called me a mother to his orphans.  If I could walk into an orphanage and take every child home, I would, but you know what stands in the way?  Next topic....

If I could walk into an orphanage and take each child home with me, I would, but what stands in the way?  Unfortunately, the cost that society has placed on these lives.  As someone mentioned in a blog I read, "the price God paid for ransom of our life is much greater than the cost that we will pay to ransom the life of a child."  It may cost us over $35,000 for each child we will bring into our home, but the price Jesus paid for me to live with Him is far greater.  I will live for an eternity with my Father, because of the ransom He paid.  Nicholas and Elijah will now be able to know the love that their Heavenly Father has for them, because we ransomed for their lives.  Yes, it is costly in our material world, but is a forever gift that brings a child into Jesus' arms.  There are more children that need to be swept into the arms of Jesus through adoption.  Their ransom may seem high, but ask yourself where would you rather these children be?  In the arms of our Father or in the snares of the world?  Each donation to our adoption or for others adopting helps brings our children into the arms of Jesus, rescuing them from the snares of the enemy.

We are currently selling shirts for our adoption, but we are about to launch our 2nd fundraiser in hopes that we can rescue our next child sooner than we think we can.  We know that God's timing and provision are perfect, so we continue to trust Him.  Keep your eyes open for the next fundraiser that will be tax deductible if you want to help bring these children in the arm's of our Father or if your heart is swelling to help now, you may donate directly to paypal, knowing that 100% will be going to ransom a child's life!

Signing out to do laundry!

God's heart moves us again

About a month or so ago, God pressed into our hearts that his desire for our family was for it to start growing again.  I posted about that time how God had pressed into our hearts, but didn't share it with too many until we opened our hearts and God's heart to our family.  We also started praying daily...even through out the day...for God's provision to even get started.  Let me rewind a bit and share with you what I wrote about a month ago...

In the midst of the doctors appointments and changes in our life, God has decided to press into our hearts to start the process to adopt again.  We have been praying for at least 4 months, now, about God's timing and believe that our time is here to start the paperwork rolling to bring our next little one home.  I, personally, knew this was going to happen sooner than January, because my heart started aching for something I couldn't define.  After going to the Lord about this ache and this "missing piece," He showed me the pieces missing were his children longing to be in our home.  I talk to Jon about this and felt that this ache and longing wasn't going to go away on it's own and that God was going to fill it with his love and with our children.  I told him, "Jon, God is not done, yet, and He wants us to move now."  As you know, Jon has been very hesitant, because, I am staying home now and he is consumed in his job (which God called him out on, just last night).  After praying together, discussing, and listening to each other and the Lord, we decided it was time to take a leap of faith and watch God move.

 The scary thing, we have no idea how the funds will be there, but again, God says, "move over, I'm in control here.  Wait and trust me. "  We were told to make the first steps of contact and now we are waiting on the Lord for his provision.  He has to provide, because we are unable to do this on our own.  We know this is His voice, not ours, because who in their right mind starts an endeavor like this under the circumstances we are in?  Paperwork sits next me, filled out and ready to send to our consultant, but the check is empty, waiting for God to fill it in so we can fulfill his desires for our family.  

"Lord, this is in your hands.  I release it, fully and completely into your hands.  You know the exact amount needed to begin this process and You know exactly where it's coming from.  You have our children picked and ready for your kingdom and our family.  We wait for you, Father.  My heart continues to ache as the Father aches for his children to come home.  They are waiting for us as we are waiting on you, Lord.  We are ready to bring them home, but only in your timing and under your hands."

A little over a month later, we are ready to share with everyone God's heart for our family and how God has started moving.  Through this past month, God has reminded me that He holds our hearts and our children's hearts in the palm of His hand and to keep trusting Him.  We continued to ask the Lord, "Father, we know this is your will, please give us wisdom as we start getting paperwork started, home study done, etc. and Lord, you are our provider and will provide in your perfect time."  We clinged to His promise and His Word.  

Jon and I were nervous, yet excited to come before our parents to share God's heart for us and the new adventure that God has us on.  As I told my dad, he was very happy and excited that we were expanding our family once again. Whew...relief! We, then told Jon's parents on Thanksgiving weekend and opened our hearts that this was going to be completely God!  I know that when God calls you into something impossible, not only will He make it possible, but He will be glorified all the way through it!!

Even after telling our parents, we still continued to pray for provision, because we still had to come up with the finances to pay our consultant and our case worker.  We had begun working on a fundraising idea, but weren't sure how we were going to accomplish our idea.  The week after we told Jon's parents, we pressed into God's heart and truly just released ourselves into His hands and God came through!  God blessed us with our consultant fee through a forgotten about annuity Jon had and our home study fee was provided through extra income this past month from Jon's hard work at his job.  Well, that's a start and God moved!  When we completely trust Him and step out in Faith, God will always answer and fulfill his promise!

So our home study has been complete, minus the FBI checks and some straggling references, but it is one step in the right direction. We will be connecting with our consultant this week and working on updating our profile.  When we have completed this, we will focus on fundraising and trusting God for provision before jumping onto agencies' lists.  

We struggled to figure out how to help begin to raise money, yet I had an idea and a t-shirt design that might represent our new journey that we could sell, but not a screen printer.  Well, just recently, a client of Jon's offered to screen print our shirts so that we could sell them to help with our adoption costs to bring home our next little one.  What?  God's timing has been so incredibly perfect that I cannot take credit for any of his work!!  This brings me to our shirt that we are starting to sell this week: 

So where does this come from?  Remember above what God impressed on my heart? 

Through this past month, God has reminded me that He holds our hearts and our children's hearts in the palm of His hand and to keep trusting Him.

This is a reminder that God is holding onto our hearts and our children's hearts as we wait for them to come home.  We would love for God's hand to impress into your heart, which will turn around and impress His heart and hand into our next child.  If you would like to purchase one of these shirts to support our next adoption, please e-mail me (jontiff01@yahoo.com) with your shirt size.  They are $16.  I will put orders in about every week and a half.  

We are so grateful for the ongoing love, support, and prayers that our friends and family have sent our way through this ongoing journey that God has our family on.  Thank you so much!!

God's ready?!

It seems a bit crazy that God would be calling us into an adventure in the midst of the chaos whirling around us, but His purpose is far greater than I can even see or imagine right now.  Honestly, I have no idea how this next adventure will even begin or move without Him, because we cannot do this alone!



Some of you keep up with the on goings of our family through facebook or through this blog and know that things have been unsettled with our Nick.  I feel as though his symptoms are worsening and my parenting skills are less than desirable at times, but then I get a quick reminder from a friend that I'm a good mom and I am doing a good job....and I'm not alone.  Most recently, Nick pulled an all nighter on a school night.  One of his symptoms of FASD (insomnia).  Along with this moment, he had many other moments/symptoms prevail through this one night.  Here is the e-mail I sent to his poor teachers the morning after his all night escapade....

Wow!  Not even sure what other words can describe the current situation with nick.  My husband came out of our room this morning about 6:15 to find nick with both our laptops, paper shredded around the room, and room a mess.  I quickly got into our computers browsing history, knowing he was unable to get onto his own to see what he was doing.  He attempted to get into our Times up Kidz account to change the settings for his own computer, nearly repurchasing the program.  He also got into our I tunes account trying to change the password and log into my I pad.  He was also on numerous games.  The browsing history showed online activity from 4:30am!  I know?! What!!  We believe he may have been up most of the night, if not all night! Unfortunately a symptom of the Fetal alcohol is insomnia, but we refuse to accept that he didn't try to sleep or let us know he couldn't sleep!  I'm telling you this because, needless to say, our morning has been extremely rough.  Lots of meltdowns, fits, and destruction.  ( I know, hard to believe the nick you see does this!) He is exhausted and looks awful, but we will not let him stay home.  He needs to understand that sleep is important and necessary to function.  This will be a natural consequence with later consequences.  Please don't feel sorry for him or take pity on him.  Treat him as though he got the sleep he needed, because that is a real life situation for normal people.  We will take action at home to make sure this doesn't happen at this extreme again, but will always keep you posted.  We do have an appointment with a psychologist next week.

I'm sorry to send him to school like this, but as parents, we must follow through.  Please, keep me posted throughout the day.

Thank you so much and well, good luck.

 How in the world do we deal with this?  I know, God has his reasoning, timing, and purpose in all we encounter.  We just have to learn to step aside and let Him take the lead no matter how much we (I) want to control it.  I believe God doesn't think I'm stepping aside enough, because He is spoken directly to my heart to move again! What?! are you kidding me?  "Lord, I can hardly handle this situation I am in now...you want us to what?!"  "I am working...trust Me."  I ask the same...how is He working and what is this new adventure.

How is God working?

We recently visited a Psychologist for Nick, because we honestly didn't know where to turn.  His self-esteem has sunken into thoughts of "I'm a failure, mom," "I will never do anything right."  His anxiety is so high at times that I have to remind him, Nick, it's okay, We are here and nothing is going to happen. He will begin crying, because he is afraid the baby is going to fall or will get hurt.  He is beginning to obsess about things that he shouldn't obsess about and then tail spins when something doesn't go how he sees it in his head.  He has begun throwing things and punching walls when his anger sets in.  What is happening to my child, Lord?  After meeting with this psychologist, who is a believer, our hearts seem to settle, because we felt we were finally on the right track, but now we have an additional journey with Nick.  He will begin with therapy, social skills groups, and we were referred to a psychiatrist (which we can't get into until January....God's timing).  She also wants a brain scan/CT done because his language is so abnormally high compared to his other cognitive scores.  Ok...on the right track, lets do this.  Until then...Lord, please grab hold of our family as we muster through his anguish with him.  My heart aches for him, but my mind goes crazy during his spells.  I love this child beyond my control, but this disorder has captured my child and won't let go!  I was so blessed this morning by Nick's carpool.  They did a Bible study on the way to school and she texted me to tell me that Nick was praying for his teachers in the car.  Thank you....you truly don't know how moments like that are desperately needed in our home these days and we need to hear them more than usual about Nick.  My child is in there...we just need to help him emerge out of this shell he is trapped in.

I know...what's this new adventure...well, I shouldn't be saying anything, because it won't be revealed to family until Thanksgiving, but I don't plan on posting this to Facebook, so I doubt they will read this. Here is how we started...e-mails to our consultant and social worker, first.

In the midst of the doctors appointments and changes in our life, God has decided to press into our hearts to start the process to adopt again.  We have been praying for at least 4 months, now, about God's timing and believe that our time is here to start the paperwork rolling to bring our next little one home.  I, personally, knew this was going to happen sooner than January, because my heart started aching for something I couldn't define.  After going to the Lord about this ache and this "missing piece," He showed me the pieces missing were his children longing to be in our home.  I talk to Jon about this and felt that this ache and longing wasn't going to go away on it's own and that God was going to fill it with his love and with our children.  I told him, "Jon, God is not done, yet, and He wants us to move now."  As you know, Jon has been very hesitant, because, I am staying home now and he is consumed in his job (which God called him out on, just last night).  After praying together, discussing, and listening to each other and the Lord, we decided it was time to take a leap of faith and watch God move.

 The scary thing, we have no idea how the funds will be there, but again, God says, "move over, I'm in control here.  Wait and trust me. "  We were told to make the first steps of contact and now we are waiting on the Lord for his provision.  He has to provide, because we are unable to do this on our own.  We know this is His voice, not ours, because who in their right mind starts an endeavor like this under the circumstances we are in?  Paperwork sits next me, filled out and ready to send to our consultant, but the check is empty, waiting for God to fill it in so we can fulfill his desires for our family.  

"Lord, this is in your hands.  I release it, fully and completely into your hands.  You know the exact amount needed to begin this process and You know exactly where it's coming from.  You have our children picked and ready for your kingdom and our family.  We wait for you, Father.  My heart continues to ache as the Father aches for his children to come home.  They are waiting for us as we are waiting on you, Lord.  We are ready to bring them home, but only in your timing and under your hands."

Lock down drills continue at the Stewart house

So sometimes I have to find humor in this disorder that Nick has because I just can't be frustrated about it all the time.  Children with FASD tend to obsess over things, events, or people at times.  Some of the most common obsessions are with objects, such as batteries, flashlights, paper, and locks.  All of which Nick has an obsession with.  These kiddos can also obsess about events that occurred to them as well.  I have to share the most recent one, just to give you a peek into what this looks like for us (and may be helpful for others to understand Nick).

So, I went to pick up Nick today at school and ran into the special education coordinator and one of the teachers at school (Mrs. Dallas).  Mrs. Dallas mentioned that Nick was so good during the Lock Down drill, despite the 5th graders and he came up afterwards and said that he would shoot the guy if he came and other comments.  "Lock Down Drill?!"  I looked at Mrs. Barbee, the special education coordinator and said, "You know what this means?  We will be reliving this for the next four to five days!"  She said, "I was wondering that."

Well, we got in the car to leave and I started to hesitate about asking about his day, knowing exactly what our conversation was going to be about..forget the History test he took today, because today was a lock down drill!!  I truly doubt Nick paid attention much after that drill, either.... Nick proceeded to tell me every single detail of this drill...let me remind you that this child can't remember what he learned in any of his classes, let alone most of his teachers' names... He described where they were in the building, what the room looked like, and what people were doing during the drill.  He then went on to describe everything the "intruder" did to try and get in....wait, not only did he describe it, he had to demonstrate it on my back seat of my car!  He told me that Mr. Horton was the intruder and was yelling to let him in the room, but we weren't allowed to let him in because he could hurt them if he was really an intruder!

After his description and reenactment of today's drill was done at least 5 times, and also done with different scenarios, voices, weapons, and so on, he then began the "what if" portion of his obsession.  Oh dear...this is the portion that nearly throws me into a tailspin, but I prepared myself for this, so I kept calm... Let me give you a sampling of his "what if " questions.  Remember this is only a sampling and went on for the 35 minute drive to his gym!
"What if the intruder climbed through the window, instead?"
"What if the intruder shot through the door or the glass in the door?"
"What if he decided to set the building on fire, how would we get out?"
"What if knows where we are hiding?  Would he just stay there all day?"
"What if I just have a gun with me and I just barge out and shoot him so everyone can get away?"
And this went on and on and on....and will continue to go on through the weekend....

We then come to the portion, where he comes up with things that should have been different.  Let me warn you, Mr. Horton, Nick might hunt you down tomorrow, to tell you what his concerns are and what he thinks should be done differently to keep everyone safer!  He told me, "mom, I need to have a conversation with Mr. Horton tomorrow."  "Why?" I ask.  "Well, there is this gap under the door and the intruder can get a gun under there and start shooting.  They really need to fix that."  My response?  "Well, Nick, good luck with that, but I"m sure that the police would have everything all figured out and those teachers are going to do everything in their power to protect you."  Nick's response,"Well, what if (ahhh, what if again!?) the teacher can't protect us?"

Do you get my point?  Sounds like fun, doesn't it?  So, if my hair seems a little frayed and I don't seem to be listening, perhaps it's because I'm still trying to filter what I should listen to and what I should ignore, because I"m going to be hearing a lot about lock down drills!  Also, if you are interested in knowing what a lock down drill is and what is should look like, I will have Nick give you a call.

Grace

"Amazing Grace how sweet the sound..." "Hallelujah, grace like rain falls down on me..."

From the moment I woke up, this song played through my head.  Love this song.  God must have truly wanted me to remember his grace for me today, because He kept speaking this into my heart.  This morning was not unusual for our family, except that I had to get Nick moving a little quicker for an orthodontics appointment in Dallas this morning.  Our morning...our Monday morning, was rough.  Nick didn't seem to cooperate with anything I asked of him and we were running late!  "Nick, for the one hundredth time, please put on your clothes or we will be late!"  "Nick, why are you not dressed? Nick, where are your clothes? Nick....Nick....Nick.... (must I continue to get my point across?).  I was stressed and we were finally headed out the door with my patience spent and my frustration level high. Where are the keys?  You have got to be kidding me.  It took us another 10 minutes to locate the keys after calling Jon, who had them yesterday, and getting him on board the frustration train to finally get us in the car and on our way....LATE!  "Please...no talking to mom...I need to refocus, calm down, and find the peace I need to get us to Dallas."  Whew!!  Another exciting morning in the Stewart household!

So...no grace in that is there?  Just wait!  We get to the hospital...nearly running..and Nick says, "mom, I love you."  Grace (after yelling at him all morning.)  In the orthodontist's office, Nick talking to the hygienists, "That's my brother.  He's so cute, right?  We are going to a pumpkin patch, soon.  You should go too.  My brother loves them.  This will be his second time to go.  The animals make him happy."  Grace.  As we are walking out of the building, "Mom, you are the best mom, ever!"  Grace.  As we are getting into the car, "Mom, I'm ready for us to have another baby...a girl this time!"  Me: "Oh really?  We have actually been praying a lot about that Nick and believe God will bring the path to our feet very soon.  What would you name her?"  Nick says, "Grace.  Don't you just love that name, mom?"  All right, Lord..I hear you loud and clear!  Your Grace is enough for me today!

Later, as I get home and get Elijah settled into his nap, I get an unexpected, yet very welcomed call from my dad.  He read my last blog entry about Nick, and said, "Your such a great momma to those boys!  Your mom would have been proud!" Grace. We talked more about what was happening in our lives and the word Grace kept popping into my mind.  I told my dad that we were praying about starting the adoption process again, because God was strongly urging us to bring another orphan into our home and he said, "Don't you have enough going on? "  me: "of course, but God never called us to be comfortable, He called us to follow him and trust Him, and we have to do that, plus my heart longs for these children."  My dad: "Well, you must bring home a little girl!"  I then went on to explain how Jon was nervous about it, because finances are extremely tight with me staying home now, but was able to remind myself and him that somehow, God has been faithful and provided everything we needed because we continue to walk in faith with Him.  We cannot see what God is doing on paper, because God works above that.  Stop looking at the accounts and what is not in them and start looking at what God has done and will do!  My talks with my dad seem to be encouraging on both sides of the conversation or least I hope they are.  I love that my dad will listen to my rambling and love me just the same. I share my heart with him and he begins to see into the heart of God for my family. His love for our children has grown so much and I am so grateful for that!  Another example of God pouring his grace onto our relationship.

 Regardless of our wavering faith, God's grace is poured out on us every single day!  I see it everyday in my life with my children.  I hope you can too!  Again, God never said following His will be easy or comfortable, He only said, He would be with us and would always provide what we needed!  I stand firm in this knowing God's call is so much bigger than I could have ever imagined as a young girl and I am so excited to be part of God's plan!!

This being said, please begin to pray with us as God's hand begins to move and draw our feet to his path of adoption again!  It seems a little more scarier, but a lot more exciting to me!  Now, Jon may not see that, but I love the adventures God has this family on!  We will let you know when the calls are made to step out in faith to start the process over again, because we will definitely need support and God's GRACE to get us through this next one!

Under God's Grace,
Tiffany

A silent disorder discovered

I'm not even sure where to begin with this post, but know I must share my heart and the road that God placed in front of us that we will continue to walk it even through the daily struggles.  This post is about our wonderfully made child, Nick.  First let me tell you that we believe Nick is a true gift from God and God has a plan for him that will blow us all away.  That being said, my heart breaks that Nick has been struggling and living with a silent disorder that over takes his thinking and many parts of who he is without anyone even realizing it.  My mother and I suspected it for awhile, but it was never confirmed.  Well, this summer, I was determined to figure out why my child acted like he did with medicine and without medicine.
 I was added to a support group of parents whose children were diagnosed with this disorder and I remember sitting down reading their posts about their children.  "My child seems to search out batteries and becomes obsessed with taking them in and out of things." Paper seems to be an obsession, whether it's shredding, stacking, or drawing on every piece.  Meltdowns over discipline, consequences, and small tasks seem to be a common theme, as well.  Obsessions about events or objects that can literally drive anyone insane, the morning meltdown about getting dressed, not being able to follow even a one step direction, and the list went on. I sat there in near tears of both relief and sadness as they described my child.  What is this disorder that is robbing our children of carrying on a "normal" life?  Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder.  Yes, my child was exposed to alcohol in his mother's womb.  Although, birth mom was in denial, the symptoms speak for themselves.  His birthmom was a known alcoholic and the only confirmation was her word that she didn't drink.  Live a day in my shoes with my kid and you will gladly agree with me!  Let me share my research through these links:

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/106/2/358.full

http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/fasd/documents/fas_guidelines_accessible.pdf

http://www.samhas.gov

That's a lot of reading..!!  I do know this, so let me shorten it for you!  FASD effects may include physical, mental, behavioral, and/or learning disabilities. My child has a disability in each of these characterizing areas!   Let me share how this has affected my child!

Physical Effects on Nick:
1. Cleft lip and Palate with chronic ear infections
2. Cataract in his eye
3. Growth hormone deficiency

Cognitive Effects on Nick:
1. ADHD
2. Learning Disability (specifically in math)
3. Difficulty with planning and organizing
4. Information processing deficits
5. Working memory disorder

Behavioral Effects on Nick:
1. Transitions can be difficult
2. Defiance to instructions
3. Meltdowns

Social Effects on Nick:
1. Failure to consider the consequence for his actions at times
2. Lack of reciprocal friendships
3. Periods of high anxiety
4. Unaware of some social cues
5. His social/emotional age is half his chronological age, meaning his friendships are easier with kids half his age.

That is a lot going on for one kiddo to gather together and still try to "fit in" with his peers.  Nick tries so very hard to please his peers and teachers that he holds it together all day for them and then gets in the car and either decompresses through drawing, crying, or extreme behaviors of defiance, wildness, or chattering.  I truly don't know what I will get in the afternoon.  I would like to open a window to you into our home in the mornings before his medicine has reached his system.

Typical morning routine has always been the same in our home.  He wakes up between 7:00 and 7:15 in the morning.  We normally have to pull Nick out of his bed, regardless of going to bed at a decent time.  He slowly makes it to the breakfast table, sits down and tries to figure breakfast.  We have trained him over the summer to make his own breakfast in the morning to encourage responsibility and he is getting it by himself, but every morning he still asks, "what's for breakfast?"  He has to have a yogurt with his breakfast or we have an extreme meltdown or "fit."  It takes Nick nearly 30 minutes to finish his breakfast, because he becomes distracted by the fridge, toaster, or whatever was in the kitchen that morning.  We give him his medicine and then it's off to take a shower.  His responsibility is to grab his towel from the back of his door and go get in the shower.  It took us over two years to establish the habit of getting his towel before getting into the shower instead of walking through house, soaked, to go get it afterwards.  The shower, then, takes him over 20minutes, because he can't seem to remember what he is suppose to do when he gets in there.  My husband or I have to walk him through, washing his hair and washing his body, everyday!  After the shower, getting dressed is whole other ball game!  Let me remind you, Nick wears a uniform, everyday and it's placed in the same place every morning for him to put it on.  This is our same conversation in the morning.  "Nick go get dressed."  "mom, where are my clothes, what do I wear?"  "They are on the end of your bed."  " I don't see them." " Well, if you would stop playing, then you could see them."  "Oh, I see them."  "Nick, you have 7 minutes to get your clothes on.  Timer set." Timer goes off.  "Nick are you dressed?"  "Oh, I'm getting dressed."  "Why are you not dressed?"  "What am I suppose to wear?  Where are my clothes?"  I finally stop what I"m doing and stand there and talk him through getting dressed.  In the meantime, I'm trying to get Elijah dressed and ready for the day.  Once he is dressed, he is to sit at the dining room table, pull out his schoolwork and wait for me to get him started.  I talk him through his first assignment, ask for questions, and then tend to Elijah.  Nick finds a pencil, pen, piece of paper, or something to play with.  I try my best to keep it together at this point and wait for medication to kick in.  Once it finally kicks in, he sits and gets work done, but with mild distractions from his brother.  By the time he is dropped off at school, I'm exhausted, but I must go on....  This is a daily struggle for our family and will continue to be, because FASD does not go away.  We love our Nick so much and want what's best for him, but he is exhausting at times.  I believe that some parents think we are far too strict on Nick or think he shouldn't be acting like that in a store, but please step in the shoes of this parent and try to hold yourself and your child together in all situations while his brain is chemically altered due to the affects that his birth mother's drinking had on him.

I will continue to fill you in on Nick and the life that God's laid before him and our family.  Some may seem outrageous while others seem typical, but I feel it's important that others understand where my child comes from to understand my child.  I know that some of Nick's teachers have started reading this blog, so I hope peeking in the lives of our family will give you some insight on Nick.  Thank you for taking your time to see into Nick's life outside of school and we are so truly grateful for each of your investments into his life!

"May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance." 2Thes. 3:5