A silent disorder discovered

I'm not even sure where to begin with this post, but know I must share my heart and the road that God placed in front of us that we will continue to walk it even through the daily struggles.  This post is about our wonderfully made child, Nick.  First let me tell you that we believe Nick is a true gift from God and God has a plan for him that will blow us all away.  That being said, my heart breaks that Nick has been struggling and living with a silent disorder that over takes his thinking and many parts of who he is without anyone even realizing it.  My mother and I suspected it for awhile, but it was never confirmed.  Well, this summer, I was determined to figure out why my child acted like he did with medicine and without medicine.
 I was added to a support group of parents whose children were diagnosed with this disorder and I remember sitting down reading their posts about their children.  "My child seems to search out batteries and becomes obsessed with taking them in and out of things." Paper seems to be an obsession, whether it's shredding, stacking, or drawing on every piece.  Meltdowns over discipline, consequences, and small tasks seem to be a common theme, as well.  Obsessions about events or objects that can literally drive anyone insane, the morning meltdown about getting dressed, not being able to follow even a one step direction, and the list went on. I sat there in near tears of both relief and sadness as they described my child.  What is this disorder that is robbing our children of carrying on a "normal" life?  Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder.  Yes, my child was exposed to alcohol in his mother's womb.  Although, birth mom was in denial, the symptoms speak for themselves.  His birthmom was a known alcoholic and the only confirmation was her word that she didn't drink.  Live a day in my shoes with my kid and you will gladly agree with me!  Let me share my research through these links:

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/106/2/358.full

http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/fasd/documents/fas_guidelines_accessible.pdf

http://www.samhas.gov

That's a lot of reading..!!  I do know this, so let me shorten it for you!  FASD effects may include physical, mental, behavioral, and/or learning disabilities. My child has a disability in each of these characterizing areas!   Let me share how this has affected my child!

Physical Effects on Nick:
1. Cleft lip and Palate with chronic ear infections
2. Cataract in his eye
3. Growth hormone deficiency

Cognitive Effects on Nick:
1. ADHD
2. Learning Disability (specifically in math)
3. Difficulty with planning and organizing
4. Information processing deficits
5. Working memory disorder

Behavioral Effects on Nick:
1. Transitions can be difficult
2. Defiance to instructions
3. Meltdowns

Social Effects on Nick:
1. Failure to consider the consequence for his actions at times
2. Lack of reciprocal friendships
3. Periods of high anxiety
4. Unaware of some social cues
5. His social/emotional age is half his chronological age, meaning his friendships are easier with kids half his age.

That is a lot going on for one kiddo to gather together and still try to "fit in" with his peers.  Nick tries so very hard to please his peers and teachers that he holds it together all day for them and then gets in the car and either decompresses through drawing, crying, or extreme behaviors of defiance, wildness, or chattering.  I truly don't know what I will get in the afternoon.  I would like to open a window to you into our home in the mornings before his medicine has reached his system.

Typical morning routine has always been the same in our home.  He wakes up between 7:00 and 7:15 in the morning.  We normally have to pull Nick out of his bed, regardless of going to bed at a decent time.  He slowly makes it to the breakfast table, sits down and tries to figure breakfast.  We have trained him over the summer to make his own breakfast in the morning to encourage responsibility and he is getting it by himself, but every morning he still asks, "what's for breakfast?"  He has to have a yogurt with his breakfast or we have an extreme meltdown or "fit."  It takes Nick nearly 30 minutes to finish his breakfast, because he becomes distracted by the fridge, toaster, or whatever was in the kitchen that morning.  We give him his medicine and then it's off to take a shower.  His responsibility is to grab his towel from the back of his door and go get in the shower.  It took us over two years to establish the habit of getting his towel before getting into the shower instead of walking through house, soaked, to go get it afterwards.  The shower, then, takes him over 20minutes, because he can't seem to remember what he is suppose to do when he gets in there.  My husband or I have to walk him through, washing his hair and washing his body, everyday!  After the shower, getting dressed is whole other ball game!  Let me remind you, Nick wears a uniform, everyday and it's placed in the same place every morning for him to put it on.  This is our same conversation in the morning.  "Nick go get dressed."  "mom, where are my clothes, what do I wear?"  "They are on the end of your bed."  " I don't see them." " Well, if you would stop playing, then you could see them."  "Oh, I see them."  "Nick, you have 7 minutes to get your clothes on.  Timer set." Timer goes off.  "Nick are you dressed?"  "Oh, I'm getting dressed."  "Why are you not dressed?"  "What am I suppose to wear?  Where are my clothes?"  I finally stop what I"m doing and stand there and talk him through getting dressed.  In the meantime, I'm trying to get Elijah dressed and ready for the day.  Once he is dressed, he is to sit at the dining room table, pull out his schoolwork and wait for me to get him started.  I talk him through his first assignment, ask for questions, and then tend to Elijah.  Nick finds a pencil, pen, piece of paper, or something to play with.  I try my best to keep it together at this point and wait for medication to kick in.  Once it finally kicks in, he sits and gets work done, but with mild distractions from his brother.  By the time he is dropped off at school, I'm exhausted, but I must go on....  This is a daily struggle for our family and will continue to be, because FASD does not go away.  We love our Nick so much and want what's best for him, but he is exhausting at times.  I believe that some parents think we are far too strict on Nick or think he shouldn't be acting like that in a store, but please step in the shoes of this parent and try to hold yourself and your child together in all situations while his brain is chemically altered due to the affects that his birth mother's drinking had on him.

I will continue to fill you in on Nick and the life that God's laid before him and our family.  Some may seem outrageous while others seem typical, but I feel it's important that others understand where my child comes from to understand my child.  I know that some of Nick's teachers have started reading this blog, so I hope peeking in the lives of our family will give you some insight on Nick.  Thank you for taking your time to see into Nick's life outside of school and we are so truly grateful for each of your investments into his life!

"May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance." 2Thes. 3:5

A legacy remembered

I don't seem to blog much anymore, which I suppose is a good thing.  Doesn't seem to be much time to sit down and write anymore, now that Elijah is walking and Nick moved up to level 5 in his gymnastics.  A family constantly on the run.  Today, though, I must slow it down to remember and honor the person who helped light the fire that brought my precious children into my life.

Today, July 20th, 69 years ago, God brought my mother into this world to share his heart for orphans and the sick.  According to my aunt, she had a heart for people and the sick from a very young age and started volunteering in the local hospital before she was old enough to drive.  She loved children and children were drawn to her.   Although my mom struggled with her health off and on, she never let that stand in the way of the calling that God set before her.  I don't believe she ever realized that she was living God's dream and heart for her life, but as I look back and remember the joy she had with the little ones in her home through foster care, I know God had her right where he wanted her.  I have been looking through pictures of my mom and my sisters and I and see the love and joy she had for each of us on her face.  I know she absolutely adored each one of us for who we were and continue to be.  Even though there were days when we just didn't think she understood us at all, she truly did get us, but she strived to push us into God's arms and into the dreams He had for us.

In the last few years, I had the honor to be able to care for my mother, although, I know I took it for granted, I now look back and treasure the times and talks.  My sisters and I were her joy behind her love for the Lord.  Each time I would go to visit, she was always asking if I had talked to either of my sisters.  If not she would share what she last talked about with them and the love she spoke it in was amazing.

Kristen, mom cherished you and your independence in life.  Mom gave you the drive and commitment she had for her work as a nurse.  She admired your wisdom within your job and how regardless of the difficulties in school, you committed yourself with a job and field of work that no matter how you look at it now, helps the sick.  Although your stubbornness could light a fire in mom, she absolutely loved it!  How?, because she knew that your stubbornness was going to make you who you are today. A woman that does not take no for an answer and moves forward with the goals you have set before you.

Amanda, mom missed you.  I know that you have a piece of mom's heart for children, as well.  Your love for, not only your children, but for those children in your job.  Mom always knew that you would be working with children one day. Like mom, you love each and everyone of the children you work with.  Your job is not just a paycheck to you.  Mom strived to change the lives of her kids, as do you.  It's funny, now that I think about it.... mom never thought your jobs as personal trainer or ADT were the right jobs for you.  She would just comment that Amanda needs to get a job with kids that's where God wants her.

Sisters, mom adored you both!  She was born to love us!  Although, we miss her tremendously, we all know that her life in heaven exceeds her life here on earth.  I believe that her job in heaven is to take care of all the little ones that left their families so soon here on earth and to love them until they are reunited with their families one day.

After her talks about my sisters, she would always ask, "so how are you doing?"  This was always a loaded question, because it meant so much more.  What she truly meant was.... are you pregnant, yet or lets get this adoption thing going.  I believe my mom knew are destiny to adopt far sooner than Jon and I ever knew.  While going through fertility, my mom would say, "now if this doesn't work, which it might, you can always adopt."  Well, it didn't work and she was there to pick me up off the ground.  Mom knew....  she knew Nicholas was going to be my son and she knew that her heart for the orphans was already implanting into my heart... A legacy that was instilled into my mother from her mother and now into me.  I so cherish this legacy and heart for orphans that God has given the women of our family.  I may not birth a child in the physical sense, but I know that God's plan for my family are much greater than I could ever imagined and I can attribute that to my mom's constant prayers over me.

Thank you, Father, for the heart of my mom, for the faith she had in you and passed down to me.  I was so incredibly blessed with such an amazing mom.  I know you have forgiven me for taking for granted her love and dedication to us, but I am thankful you have opened my eyes and heart to what she so desperately wanted to pass along to me.... her spirit for adoption.... I hope that the glimpses of our lives, now, that she sees are going to honoring, You, Lord and will carry on the heart You had for our family....

Nick - A warrior for God

As we continue to wait on the Lord, God has truly begun to reveal himself to our family.  He is not only revealing himself to Jon and I, but to Nicholas!  We are so amazed by this child everyday.  I have to share my sweet son's heart.....

As some of you know, Nicholas has not had an easy life given to him, but he has chosen to overcome through the strength of our loving Father.  How can he comprehend this?  I ask the same question all the time, but I know God only knows that.  God has a hold on Nick that no one else can fathom.  From the very beginning, God rescued this child from the grasp of death and destruction and brought him to us, so God could fill him up! 

On Easter, Nick was baptized at church...a day that will forever be imprinted on my heart!  Nick was so eager, yet so anxious at the same time.  I truly believe a transformation took place that day.  Nick always had the kind heart and what seem to be a prophetic gift, but it has truly been refreshed and revealed to Nick!  How can we say Nick might have a gift of prophecy?  We still believe in our hearts that God spoke Elijah's name into Nick's heart the day we were told Elijah would be our son, because we had never mentioned the name Elijah to Nick and never really talked about it.  Nick has continued to reveal his tenderness to the Lord's voice through speaking to both Jon and I about what the Lord had told him.  Just recently, Nick got out of his morning shower and approached Jon with a word.  Nick told Jon, "Dad, you have to 'dream' about getting sales so that the Lord will bring them to you.  You can't dream that you are not getting them, b/c that is a lie and Satan is trying to take them away."  He then comes to me a few minutes later...in another room...and repeats to me what he told Jon and then says to me, "Mom, you have to 'dream' that you will have more babies and then we will have them.  When you 'dream' that you can't  or won't have them, that is Satan trying to take them away, b/c he doesn't want you to have them."  Wow!!  Another instance was about a week ago.  Nick has been wanting to take voice lessons for a couple of years now, but with our schedule and his lack of maturity, we decided to wait until this year.  Well, I found this amazing person to do voice lessons for Nick and he had his first "trial" lesson last week.  As I had always know, Nick has a really good voice and matches pitches really well.  When we walked out, I asked Nick what he thought and if this is something he wanted to do, because it would take committment and another day of your time.  He turns and says...after thinking for a moment, "Mom, I believe that this is a talent God has given me, along with gymnastics, and I have to figure out what God is going to use them for.  So, I have to take lessons to get better."  Hmmm.... What a thought! 
Nick continues to amaze us through his thoughts, words, and actions...  He has begun to insist on making his own lunch at home, and really wants to be involved with helping with dinner.  God has transformed this kid!  He is such an amazing brother and loving youg man.
This all being said, Nick is not perfect as none of us are.  So, yes, there are days when we are baffled about the behaviors that take place in him in other environments.  Jon and I are determined to take this responsibility that God has given us to raise such a "world changer" and send him down the path God leads him on.  We know that we live in a world full of sin, temptations, and bad influences.  It is our job as parents to teach Nick how these can appear/present themselves and what he can do to either change them or turn away from them.  We ask for lots of prayer and accountability as we raise this amazing warrior of God!  It has not been easy and will continue to be an ongoing journey and challenge, but God knows we can handle it, so we must continue this journey forward to ensure that Nick continues to let God capture his heart.

A Divine Appointment

If you are sitting down to read our blog for the first time...well, welcome to our story! I want you to know that this blog was set up to follow the details of our adoption process that brought our amazing little boy, Elijah home, but God has made it very clear to our family that our journey has just begun! Yes, we may be in a waiting period...waiting on God's voice to tell us to move again for His next child, but each day is a calling from God and God wants to know how you answer each day He places in front of you.

As our church is preparing for our Zoe Foundation Banquet, a banquet held to share God's heart for adoption, but also to help raise money for families who want to adopt chidlren into their home! This banquet is very special to Jon and I, because two years ago at this same banquet God affirmed his calling of adoption for our family! And...through the donations made at the previous banquet, our final gap of funding was filled to bring our baby boy Elijah home, without a single loan! We were so incredibly blessed and still are through our church's Zoe Foundation! Please let me know if you are interested in attending this banquet on February 24th at 6:30pm. You will not regret your decision to come and experience the Father's heart for adoption.

So back to my day to day calling.... As most of you know I am blessed to only work part time and stay home with Elijah the other days. I have learned that each day, whether it is at work or at the grocery store or wherever, God brings people into your life for specific purposes. Perhaps it's for a split second, a minute, a day, a week, a few months, a year, several years, or a lifetime. Whatever the timeframe, in our eyes, God sees these "divine appointments" as exactly that...your appointment with God and this person has been set and must not be missed. Does that make sense? For example, Elijah and I frequent the new Kroger down the street from our house, quite a bit, just to get out and the workers there are super friendly. Most of the time, I use the self check out, but for some reason we decided to go through the line one specific day. As we approach the checkout, the cashier sees Elijah and comments on how sweet and good he is. My comment, "yes I am completely blessed by this child God has given us." I then continued to share how he was adopted....the cashier was blessed in that moment...."thank you for that, you made my day." Simple....but an appointment kept. Here's another in a store appointment....Elijah and I wander through Babies R Us at times too. I actually wander around looking for the soon to be moms that have that look of puzzlement and stress on what they need to get or do.... Well, this one day while looking through the aisles for a baby shower gift, Elijah and I walked down an aisle with a woman, perhaps in her 50s, carefully looking over highchairs and jumpers. You could tell she was a bit confused. Of course as we walk by Elijah squeals, she turns around and comments on how sweet he is. God made it clear...this is your appointment for today... I simply asked how she was and what she was looking for. She was confused on some items and didn't get the right thing for her daughter's baby (her granddaughter) and wanted to replace it. We may not be asking her if she is a believer, but we are being a servant for the Lord. We walked through the different things she was looking at and I gave her insight on what we had and what I truly loved about them. I again shared our adoption story and she said, after the help in finding the right items and giving her our time, Thank you so much for taking your time to help me and share that with me. I would have been here for hours if you didn't say something to me. Again...simple and just a little help. These are split second encounters that will affect their thoughts and lives, leaving them wondering why someone cares so much to help or encourage them. So these encounters can happen everyday, but sometimes there are appointments that God sets for long term. I have had many of those and have cherished each one of them.

Here is one that started during our adoption process.....

My amazing massage therapist, Laura, is a very special appointment to me. About half way through our adoption process I started having extreme neck and shoulder pain. We tried physical therapy with no results, so I decided to try a deep massage. My appointment was set with Laura for my massage, but God had a bigger plan for this initial "divine appointment." Laura is a sweet and beautiful woman who I knew God had a specific purpose for the minute I walked in the room. Unsure of the journey for her, I prayed and began to open my heart as God was leading me. Over the next few months, I began to share Jon and my story of fertility, sickness, family deaths, and our current adoption journey. Throughout this time, Laura opened her heart to share with me her and her husband's struggle to get pregnant and the decision of whether or not to adopt. All I could do was pray that God would open their hearts to His plan for them and give them a clear direction. Well, at our last appointment, Laura came to me and said, "Guess what? My husband wants to adopt! He was against it before, but after I kept bringing your stories and information home, he is very excited about it." I continue pray for Laura and pray that God will continue to guide their hearts on their adoption journey! My heart right now hopes that they will join us at our banquet and meet others that have walked in their shoes too! It's amazing how God can use a pain in the neck to glorify Him!

I hope that I am able to instill these "divine appointments" in the hearts of my children. My prayer is that they see each individual in their lives as a child of the Most High and to learn to listen to God's heart for a divne appointment. I know Nick is learning this in pieces, but I pray that God truly opens his mind to what He can do through him.

Their are so many people that have stepped in and out of my life in just the right moments! These amazing people have not only blessed me, but I know God's hand was right in the middle of our "divine appointments" with each other. Please leave a note, if you feel God set a divine appointment with you and me in the last five or so years! You know who you are.....

On that note....Elijah and I are about to head to the grocery store to find God's appointment for the day....when will yours be?

A new year...another journey...

A new year...another journey.... Our family has thoroughly enjoyed bringing in 2012 as a family of 4! Elijah has been an amazing addition to our family and for him we are so incredibly blessed!! Let me give you a brief update on our two amazing children first!

Nicholas.... WOW! Such a talented young man! He started his first gymnastics meet season in November and has absolutely blown us away with his capabilities! This past fall, we walked into his pediatrician's office sharing with him some of Nick's educational difficulties, due to his learning disability and ADHD. The doctor asked to see some of what Nick was working on and asked how his school was helping him. His doctor was absolutely blown away at what Nick was capable of doing, despite his learning disability! The doctor's comment to me, "Mom, you are doing amazing with this young man! I am extremely pleased at how he is doing, because to be honest, your mom and I weren't sure of what he would be capable of doing when he was first placed in her care. Nick is doing things that he wasn't sure he was ever capable of doing academically!" That being said, he went on to say that his teacher is doing an outstanding job with Nick and to keep him in this school as long as possible, since he is progressing so wonderfully. Perhaps behind his peers, but progressing! Great confidence booster for Jon and I...thank you Lord as our hearts were beginning to become heavy with what to do with him. As we continued to discuss Nick, I pulled up some gymnastics pictures of Nick at his first meet! The doctor's comments, "What?! That's Nick? Oh my, Nick! You are amazing!" Again, Nick has beaten all odds and is doing something beyond what was expected of him! When Dr. Raine first met Nick, he was this failure to thrive, undernourished, skin and bones baby, with a severe hip dysplasia, a cataract in his eye, and cleft lip and palate! What!? This child with a cataract in his eye is competing in gymnastics competively?! On top of that, he is competing with kids, numerically his age at 10, but physically and developmentally 4 years ahead of him! You see, Nick's growth hormone deficiency is still very delayed. Therefore, we have a 10 year old boy in the body of a 6 year old (according to his bone scan). He is competing with boys whose bodies are capable of doing more than a 6 year old body is capable of doing, yet still seems to hang with these boys competively! We don't tell Nick this, because we like that he pushes himself to improve and become even more passionate about this sport he loves! I always say this about Nick, but in my heart, I truly believe this....God has something amazing for Nick's life and I cannot wait to see what happens! I love this quirky and spunky little boy so much! Thank you Lord for this challenge of a young boy! Without him, I wouldn't have seen how You can use a small boy to beat all odds and change hearts of many around him!

Elijah.... I can't believe he is 7 months old! He is such a happy little baby! I love spending so much time with him! I continue to look at him in disbelief and joy that this our bundle of joy! Elijah started sitting by himself at about 5 months. He cut two teeth a week apart at about 6 months. He absolutely loves making noises and has learned to be very vocal in our house! Elijah enjoys books so much that he gets so excited when I pull one out to look at and read with him. His favorite book, currently, is Fun Time Baby. Simple, but he loves it! He is eating foods now, which he is a huge fan of. This little one is trying to feed himself, which becomes a big mess, but he loves it! Nicholas is a great big brother to him and Elijah loves to watch Nick play or just sit with him while Nick plays with his legos. Our entire family is still overflowing with joy with our little Elijah! God has been so good to us and for that we are so thankful!!



So what's next? We seem to get the same questions again and again....

1. So are you going to adopt again? A big "absolutely, yes!"

2. When are you going to start the process again? We hope after Elijah turns one, but when God calls us to start the process again...we will follow Him.

3. Are you going to adopt a girl this time? Well, We would love a girl, but we will adopt the child or children God desires for our family.

4. Are you going to keep working next year or stay home? Our desire is for me to stay home next year and we continue to pray God's will and provision to enable me to stay home.

These being answered...we continue to listen to God for his vision for our family and our future. In the meantime, our prayer is that God's heart for adoption will overflow through our family into the hearts of others around us. We have seen this and continue to see this prayer being answered as those around are beginning to capture the heart of the Father!

If you feel you might be interested or have questions about adoption or just want to pray for those who might want to adopt, we can help you get involved. Please ask me how!

....Until you walk a week in our shoes.

The months and years before Nick became an official Stewart in our family, I remember thinking, "All he needs is structure, a better diet, and consistency." As he started Kindergarten for the 2nd time, I would hear, "He really is 'active." He can't seem to sit still. Nick can't keep his hands to himself." This list goes on. I refused to consider medication for Nick, knowing the possible side effects of these medications and truly wanted to believe that a change in environment would improve all of this. He is not what you say. He is not ADHD! Well, after we adopted Nick and he had been with us for over year, these "symptoms" did not go away. At the start of 2nd grade, in a small private school, Nick came to me after school one day and said, "mom, I can't do this. I can't focus like the other kids. They can listen to the teacher. I can't." My heart sank. We called the pediatrician and did what I had dreaded for the past 3 years. We gave Nick medicine for ADHD. He began to focus at school and his confidence improved. Wow, we can do this!
Little did we know that children with ADHD are not "fixed" just with medication. This diagnosis has become a whole new ballgame! As a speech therapist and one who researches everything and will go any distance to help her children I though I knew what we were up against. I read, children with ADHD need consistency with some flexibility. Children with ADHD need gross motor activities. Children with ADHD need low sugar diets. Children with ADHD need lots of patience. Children with ADHD need structure and limited stimulation. I remember telling myself, "I can do this. We can do this. I thrive on structure." This seem fairly easy and manageable, but boy was I wrong!

What did they not tell me? They did NOT tell that Children with ADHD will have to have revolving discipline/consequences (the same consequence will not always work. We have to change reinforcement and consequences on a weekly basis). They did NOT tell me that when their medicine is coming out of their system, they are miserable to be around. They did NOT tell me that they will do anything in their power to control you and everything around them, no matter the consequence. They did NOT tell me that you have to constantly follow them to make sure they do not hurt themself when unattended. The list could go on!

My plea to those who see parents in a store dealing with a child who "looks out of control and ADHD" that you do not judge until you have walked a week in their shoes. Let me take you through a day with our child with ADHD or perhaps a snip it of little windows of our life with ADHD.

Each morning, Nick is woken up at 6:30a to shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush his teeth, put items in backpack and go to school. This is the routine every morning, no suprises. This is what we would love to happen, but does it?
"Nick it's time to get up?" He rolls over, "no!" "Nick, you need to get into the shower, so you have time for breakfast this morning. I know I would be awfully hungry, if I didn't get breakfast." Nick: "I don't care!!" Parent: "Well, that's your choice. Good luck with that." About ten minutes later and Nick is still in bed. Parent: "Nick you have to get out of bed, right now! It's not an option!" ..as we are now pulling him out of the bed and guiding him into the bathroom. "Nick flush the toilet, please!" ....Nick finally makes it into the shower and sits there until the bathroom is foggy and we again have to drag him out to get dressed. Parent: "Nick you need to get your clothes on." Nick is singing, running around, and doing everything but getting dressed. Parent: "Guess what, you now ony have time for yogurt and cheerios instead of a warm breakfast." Nick: "no! I have time. You just watch. I will have a warm breakfast!!" as he is attempting to get dressed. He walks away and then gets distracted by something and starts to play in his room. Parent: "Are you going to go school in your underwear or your clothes, today?" Nick: "no!" Parent: "Well, I hope not." He finally gets dressed and runs to get what he thinks is going to be a hot breakfast and instead finds his cheerios and yogurt waiting for him. And start meltdown. Nick: "I want a sausage biscuit! I'm not eating this! Give it to me now!!" Parent: "Nick this is all you have time for and if you don't sit down and eat now, then you will not eat anything." Nick: "then I'm not eating!" Parent: "that's fine!" Nick: "Fine, I will eat!" While eating, he manages to get yogurt all over the table and on his shirt. He continues to sing and jumps around all over the place. Parent: "Nick go brush your teeth!" Nick still prancing and playing around. Most days Nick barely makes it to school with his hair combed, teeth brushed, and shoes tied. Those are just battles we are not willing to fight at this point. We are relieved to get him out the door in one piece. It is one thing to say that this might happen one day a week, but it doesn't! This is every day! It is exhausting!! This is only the mornings for us! So, as his medicine kicks in, he starts to listen, and be the sweet child we know he truly is, but he is off to school to share that side of him with everyone else!!

It's 3 'o' clock...time to pick up Nick from school. This is normally a happy time for parents to have their precious children return home to them after a long day a school. Most come home with 30 minutes of homework, that they will sit down to do with little guidance and will get to go out and play. Not with a child with ADHD. Most of these children have struggled all day long, even with medicine in their system, to stay focused and hold it together. These are the kids that come home with homework and the parents have to fight with them to get it done. Let me put it into real life for you. Nick is at a small private school, so that he is pushed to learn beyond his limts, but this school has been amazing to recognize his learning disability and help him where he needs to be helped. Regardless, he still comes home with homework...probably more than most kids, because he is working so hard at trying to sit still that he can't focus on getting class work done too. Well, when he is home to do homework (Nick does some homework in the car on days that he is in gymnastics ...monday, wednesday, friday) our routine is as follows: Parent: "Nick, it's time to get your folders out and get this homework completed." Nick: "I need a snack." Parent: "that's fine, then sit down and start your homework. Let's start with this first." Nick: "wait, I have to go to the bathroom." Parent: "That's fine, anything else?" Nick: "no." Homework has commenced as I'm sitting there, baby in lap to guide him through it. Most days his medicine is still in his system to finish his homework...thank goodness. About 6pm or 7pm, the medicine is out, and all hope is lost for homework. It then becomes a battle of wills to even get something written on the page. This not only wears me out, but him out as well, but an ADHD child worn out, doesn't mean tired, it means wild and out of control, and mean. DONE! We are done! Again...gratefully, we have a school that now understands this, allows him time with a tutor at school to work on homework during the day. The evening begins...medicine out of system. Dinner time...fairly normal, but with excessive talking and food not quite staying on his plate....if you have been to my house at dinner....you have seen this in action! Dinner as ended, time for bedtime routine...again..the same every night since 2nd grade! Head to the bathroom to take care of business....yes, we have to schedule this for our child, otherwise, he would not take time to do it....I'm serious! After 20minutes of sitting and playing, we have to drag him out of the bathroom. Time to put jammies on....yet another battle...brush teeth....we brush for him, because, he may not have had time in the morning to brush. ...and bedtime (book, prayer, and to sleep.) Some nights, this is war too! Won't go into detail, but imagine a 3 year old bedtime battle...that's what we can deal with! We are now fully exhausted and ready for bed ourselves...no time to talk are relax before bed. We have had to stay on our child from the time he got home from school until he went to bed!

These were just our routine events that happen on a school day...it doesn't include times in the store, down time at home, or other family activities. We are constantly on edge to make sure he is not getting into something unsafe, such as pulling batteries out of things and putting them in others, playing with tools in the garage, or tearing apart the sunroom/playroom, that he hasn't wandered across the store because he finds something he has to touch or play with or wanders to another aisle because the aisle he is in is now too boring to stay, thus begins the search for him! Recently, he has developed a defiance that is unnerving and magnifies all of the above ventures.

Why, write and share this? This is not for sympathy or a pat on the back. This is truly for a better understanding of parents of children with ADHD. When you see one of these children walk into school, clothes inside out, hair a mess, and breakfast down their shirt, don't judge the parent. When this child walks into your classroom and their homework is incomplete, don't judge the parent. When you see this child running/wandering through Target and the parent yelling for them to stay with them, don't judge the parent. When you see this child openly defy or ignore their parent's instruction, don't judge this parent. Parents of children with ADHD are usually giving all that they have to survive the day and raise their child as best that they know how. Perhaps a word of encouragement instead of a glance of disgust would be nice. So, until you have walked a week in the shoes of a parent with a child with ADHD, don't judge them.

So blessed!

After Bath time

Nick and Eli

Eli's Dedication

Wow, our little guy is a little over 2 months old. Words cannot even describe the joy and love I have for this little one! Elijah is so incredibly precious and amazing! I am so honored to be able to have Eli as my son. Each night, as I am rocking Eli before bed, I praise God for this beautiful child, while gazing into his loving little eyes. My heart leaps everytime, yet I am completely humbled by this opportunity to raise him!

I think our whole family shares this joy that I have for Eli. I often catch Nick gazing at Eli with a sparkle in his eye, as if he, too, is still in awe of the amazing blessing God has given us. Nick refuses to move his booster seat, in the car, away from Eli's car seat. He may not be playing with him in the car, but he will just watch Eli sleep as we drive. Any opportunity Nick has, usually during homework or when he is suppose to be doing something, he will go and make faces, noises, and play with his little brother.

As for Jon.... "He's just so precious." That is what Jon says, every morning and every evening when he gets home from work. I am not kidding!

Our family is so in love with this child that God has so graciously given us and we are forever grateful that God has opened our hearts to his many children!

So what is Eli up to? Well, Eli is smiling, cooing, discovering his hands, and moving all over the place! He is such a happy and joyful baby! We rarely hear him cry, unless he is hungry or tired! He loves laying out on the floor and looking at the toys hanging from his playmat. He has recently working on increasing his tummy time. Was not a huge fan in the beginning, but he is slowing beginning to enjoy that time too (as long as mom is laying on the floor in front him). Eli is sleeping pretty good too! He wakes up only one time at night to eat! I think that's pretty good for a 2 and 1/2 month old! Honestly, I might miss my middle of the night date with my little one, once he does sleep through the night, completely! Talk about growing like a weed! Eli has grown out of a ton of clothes! He is wearing some 3-6 month old clothes, now! I do believe he is going to be tall. He has a long body and now his little legs are catching up and they are lengthening quite a bit! He is so beautiful!!!

Thank you so much for following our family as we brought our precious miracle home! Our prayer now is that God will continue to grow our family through adoption in the future. Keep a look out for our next journey! We hope to start this amazing journey for our third little angel this next summer! God has so many children waiting for homes and our hearts and home are willing and ready. "Father, your will is our will. Please continue to prepare our family, our hearts, and our finances for the family You are preparing us for. "

Oh....his adoption finalization is set for December 16th!