The months and years before Nick became an official Stewart in our family, I remember thinking, "All he needs is structure, a better diet, and consistency." As he started Kindergarten for the 2nd time, I would hear, "He really is 'active." He can't seem to sit still. Nick can't keep his hands to himself." This list goes on. I refused to consider medication for Nick, knowing the possible side effects of these medications and truly wanted to believe that a change in environment would improve all of this. He is not what you say. He is not ADHD! Well, after we adopted Nick and he had been with us for over year, these "symptoms" did not go away. At the start of 2nd grade, in a small private school, Nick came to me after school one day and said, "mom, I can't do this. I can't focus like the other kids. They can listen to the teacher. I can't." My heart sank. We called the pediatrician and did what I had dreaded for the past 3 years. We gave Nick medicine for ADHD. He began to focus at school and his confidence improved. Wow, we can do this!
Little did we know that children with ADHD are not "fixed" just with medication. This diagnosis has become a whole new ballgame! As a speech therapist and one who researches everything and will go any distance to help her children I though I knew what we were up against. I read, children with ADHD need consistency with some flexibility. Children with ADHD need gross motor activities. Children with ADHD need low sugar diets. Children with ADHD need lots of patience. Children with ADHD need structure and limited stimulation. I remember telling myself, "I can do this. We can do this. I thrive on structure." This seem fairly easy and manageable, but boy was I wrong!
What did they not tell me? They did NOT tell that Children with ADHD will have to have revolving discipline/consequences (the same consequence will not always work. We have to change reinforcement and consequences on a weekly basis). They did NOT tell me that when their medicine is coming out of their system, they are miserable to be around. They did NOT tell me that they will do anything in their power to control you and everything around them, no matter the consequence. They did NOT tell me that you have to constantly follow them to make sure they do not hurt themself when unattended. The list could go on!
My plea to those who see parents in a store dealing with a child who "looks out of control and ADHD" that you do not judge until you have walked a week in their shoes. Let me take you through a day with our child with ADHD or perhaps a snip it of little windows of our life with ADHD.
Each morning, Nick is woken up at 6:30a to shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush his teeth, put items in backpack and go to school. This is the routine every morning, no suprises. This is what we would love to happen, but does it?
"Nick it's time to get up?" He rolls over, "no!" "Nick, you need to get into the shower, so you have time for breakfast this morning. I know I would be awfully hungry, if I didn't get breakfast." Nick: "I don't care!!" Parent: "Well, that's your choice. Good luck with that." About ten minutes later and Nick is still in bed. Parent: "Nick you have to get out of bed, right now! It's not an option!" ..as we are now pulling him out of the bed and guiding him into the bathroom. "Nick flush the toilet, please!" ....Nick finally makes it into the shower and sits there until the bathroom is foggy and we again have to drag him out to get dressed. Parent: "Nick you need to get your clothes on." Nick is singing, running around, and doing everything but getting dressed. Parent: "Guess what, you now ony have time for yogurt and cheerios instead of a warm breakfast." Nick: "no! I have time. You just watch. I will have a warm breakfast!!" as he is attempting to get dressed. He walks away and then gets distracted by something and starts to play in his room. Parent: "Are you going to go school in your underwear or your clothes, today?" Nick: "no!" Parent: "Well, I hope not." He finally gets dressed and runs to get what he thinks is going to be a hot breakfast and instead finds his cheerios and yogurt waiting for him. And start meltdown. Nick: "I want a sausage biscuit! I'm not eating this! Give it to me now!!" Parent: "Nick this is all you have time for and if you don't sit down and eat now, then you will not eat anything." Nick: "then I'm not eating!" Parent: "that's fine!" Nick: "Fine, I will eat!" While eating, he manages to get yogurt all over the table and on his shirt. He continues to sing and jumps around all over the place. Parent: "Nick go brush your teeth!" Nick still prancing and playing around. Most days Nick barely makes it to school with his hair combed, teeth brushed, and shoes tied. Those are just battles we are not willing to fight at this point. We are relieved to get him out the door in one piece. It is one thing to say that this might happen one day a week, but it doesn't! This is every day! It is exhausting!! This is only the mornings for us! So, as his medicine kicks in, he starts to listen, and be the sweet child we know he truly is, but he is off to school to share that side of him with everyone else!!
It's 3 'o' clock...time to pick up Nick from school. This is normally a happy time for parents to have their precious children return home to them after a long day a school. Most come home with 30 minutes of homework, that they will sit down to do with little guidance and will get to go out and play. Not with a child with ADHD. Most of these children have struggled all day long, even with medicine in their system, to stay focused and hold it together. These are the kids that come home with homework and the parents have to fight with them to get it done. Let me put it into real life for you. Nick is at a small private school, so that he is pushed to learn beyond his limts, but this school has been amazing to recognize his learning disability and help him where he needs to be helped. Regardless, he still comes home with homework...probably more than most kids, because he is working so hard at trying to sit still that he can't focus on getting class work done too. Well, when he is home to do homework (Nick does some homework in the car on days that he is in gymnastics ...monday, wednesday, friday) our routine is as follows: Parent: "Nick, it's time to get your folders out and get this homework completed." Nick: "I need a snack." Parent: "that's fine, then sit down and start your homework. Let's start with this first." Nick: "wait, I have to go to the bathroom." Parent: "That's fine, anything else?" Nick: "no." Homework has commenced as I'm sitting there, baby in lap to guide him through it. Most days his medicine is still in his system to finish his homework...thank goodness. About 6pm or 7pm, the medicine is out, and all hope is lost for homework. It then becomes a battle of wills to even get something written on the page. This not only wears me out, but him out as well, but an ADHD child worn out, doesn't mean tired, it means wild and out of control, and mean. DONE! We are done! Again...gratefully, we have a school that now understands this, allows him time with a tutor at school to work on homework during the day. The evening begins...medicine out of system. Dinner time...fairly normal, but with excessive talking and food not quite staying on his plate....if you have been to my house at dinner....you have seen this in action! Dinner as ended, time for bedtime routine...again..the same every night since 2nd grade! Head to the bathroom to take care of business....yes, we have to schedule this for our child, otherwise, he would not take time to do it....I'm serious! After 20minutes of sitting and playing, we have to drag him out of the bathroom. Time to put jammies on....yet another battle...brush teeth....we brush for him, because, he may not have had time in the morning to brush. ...and bedtime (book, prayer, and to sleep.) Some nights, this is war too! Won't go into detail, but imagine a 3 year old bedtime battle...that's what we can deal with! We are now fully exhausted and ready for bed ourselves...no time to talk are relax before bed. We have had to stay on our child from the time he got home from school until he went to bed!
These were just our routine events that happen on a school day...it doesn't include times in the store, down time at home, or other family activities. We are constantly on edge to make sure he is not getting into something unsafe, such as pulling batteries out of things and putting them in others, playing with tools in the garage, or tearing apart the sunroom/playroom, that he hasn't wandered across the store because he finds something he has to touch or play with or wanders to another aisle because the aisle he is in is now too boring to stay, thus begins the search for him! Recently, he has developed a defiance that is unnerving and magnifies all of the above ventures.
Why, write and share this? This is not for sympathy or a pat on the back. This is truly for a better understanding of parents of children with ADHD. When you see one of these children walk into school, clothes inside out, hair a mess, and breakfast down their shirt, don't judge the parent. When this child walks into your classroom and their homework is incomplete, don't judge the parent. When you see this child running/wandering through Target and the parent yelling for them to stay with them, don't judge the parent. When you see this child openly defy or ignore their parent's instruction, don't judge this parent. Parents of children with ADHD are usually giving all that they have to survive the day and raise their child as best that they know how. Perhaps a word of encouragement instead of a glance of disgust would be nice. So, until you have walked a week in the shoes of a parent with a child with ADHD, don't judge them.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
So blessed!
After Bath time
Nick and Eli
Eli's Dedication
Wow, our little guy is a little over 2 months old. Words cannot even describe the joy and love I have for this little one! Elijah is so incredibly precious and amazing! I am so honored to be able to have Eli as my son. Each night, as I am rocking Eli before bed, I praise God for this beautiful child, while gazing into his loving little eyes. My heart leaps everytime, yet I am completely humbled by this opportunity to raise him!
I think our whole family shares this joy that I have for Eli. I often catch Nick gazing at Eli with a sparkle in his eye, as if he, too, is still in awe of the amazing blessing God has given us. Nick refuses to move his booster seat, in the car, away from Eli's car seat. He may not be playing with him in the car, but he will just watch Eli sleep as we drive. Any opportunity Nick has, usually during homework or when he is suppose to be doing something, he will go and make faces, noises, and play with his little brother.
As for Jon.... "He's just so precious." That is what Jon says, every morning and every evening when he gets home from work. I am not kidding!
Our family is so in love with this child that God has so graciously given us and we are forever grateful that God has opened our hearts to his many children!
So what is Eli up to? Well, Eli is smiling, cooing, discovering his hands, and moving all over the place! He is such a happy and joyful baby! We rarely hear him cry, unless he is hungry or tired! He loves laying out on the floor and looking at the toys hanging from his playmat. He has recently working on increasing his tummy time. Was not a huge fan in the beginning, but he is slowing beginning to enjoy that time too (as long as mom is laying on the floor in front him). Eli is sleeping pretty good too! He wakes up only one time at night to eat! I think that's pretty good for a 2 and 1/2 month old! Honestly, I might miss my middle of the night date with my little one, once he does sleep through the night, completely! Talk about growing like a weed! Eli has grown out of a ton of clothes! He is wearing some 3-6 month old clothes, now! I do believe he is going to be tall. He has a long body and now his little legs are catching up and they are lengthening quite a bit! He is so beautiful!!!
Thank you so much for following our family as we brought our precious miracle home! Our prayer now is that God will continue to grow our family through adoption in the future. Keep a look out for our next journey! We hope to start this amazing journey for our third little angel this next summer! God has so many children waiting for homes and our hearts and home are willing and ready. "Father, your will is our will. Please continue to prepare our family, our hearts, and our finances for the family You are preparing us for. "
Oh....his adoption finalization is set for December 16th!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Bringing home Elijah!
These last few weeks have been .... well, I'm not even sure what words to use to describe the last few weeks! Where do I even begin? I will give you the quick version, b/c there is so much that has happened since my last entry. After our call on the 25th, things flew into a very quick whirlwind! On that following Monday afternoon (around 4 or 5 pm), our Guardian Angel case worker called me and asked, "so, how soon do you think you can get here?" I was a little baffled by the question until she informed me that our birthmom, was going into labor! There was no question in our minds what our decision was going to be...Let's go tonight! In less than 3 hours we were packed and heading to the airport to fly to Utah!
As we begin to check into the airport, Jodi, our case worker, calls and says, "Congratulations! You have a healthy baby boy. He is 7 pounds 3 ounces, 19 inches long!" We couldn't get there fast enough. With built anticipation we boarded our plan for our 3 hour flight, landed in Utah about Midnight and met Jodi to help guide us to our hotel. We had to wait until the morning to meet our new bundle of joy!
T, the birthmom, asked us to be at the hospital by 8am to meet her and our baby boy! We got there and were anxious, nervous, excited, and ready to meet both of them. As we walk into the room and laid eyes on our new son, my heart melted and immediately fell deeply in love with our precious little Elijah! At the same time my heart went out to T, the birthmom, and the most sacrificing decision she has made! We had the chance to sit down and talk to her and get to know her a little bit.
T is an absolutely beautiful woman. She is so sweet, kind, loving, and self sacrificing for her children. Although, her circumstances were unstable and her life crazy back home, she knew beyond a shadow of doubt that her little boy needed more stability and need our family. As we continued to talk with her, she told the story of how she chose our family for Elijah. She had received about 5 profiles on Wednesday, June 22nd, to review and to choose from. This stack did not include our profile. She felt that none of these families were the right family for her little boy, so she asked the agency for a few more. They obliged and found three additional families to show her. This is where we came in. I was called on Friday morning, June 24th, and was asked if we would like our profile shown to her, the only thing...mom is due on Thursday, June 30th. Well, after talking to Jon, we decided, why not! We have nothing to lose. We didn't think much about it after that because Jon's cousin was getting married the next day! God is so good, and He knew that this was our precious little guy!! We continued to talk to T and really began to like her so much.
The next few days were spent going back and forth from the hospital, waiting to spend time with Elijah, yet being careful not to hurt or step on T's feelings as this was such a hard decision for her. We continued to hold our breath until papers were signed on june 27th at 7:30pm. The following day, we waited for what seemed like hours for our son to be discharged from the hospital. We were finally able to bring our baby "home" well our hotel room. It was so surreal that we still were in this cloud of thinking that this is all a dream. That evening we had dinner with our birthmom and the caseworkers for the final good byes.
For the next few days we began our wait for the ICPC paperwork to get approved in Utah and then Texas in order for us to cross state lines with our new bundle of joy. I must say, those few days were the longest days ever! Trying to get a sleep routine in a hotel is not easy, but we were so excited about our son that it didn't seem to phase us. We had our son, Elijah James Stewart!
Well, that Friday, July 1st, we got our call from Jodi, saying our paperwork had been approved and we were free to go home. We booked our flight for Sunday, and got ready to bring Elijah home! Elijah was great on the plane trip home, sleeping the entire time!
As we arrived at the airport we were greeted by Jon's parents, sister, Kristi, and brother in law, Peter. "Welcome Home, Elijah James Stewart!"
In the midst of the craziness, God's hand was right in the middle of the whole adoption! We were able to pay for the whole adoption with grants, and money we had saved, minus the mom's medical expenses that we managed to put on a credit card. We were able to use gift cards for the hotel that we received from Jon's reward points from our bank cards. We actually thought they were going to pay for half of the cost, but as Jon went to pay for the room with our 2 $200 cards, the man swiped one and it pulled up with $400 on it. We ended up paying $90 for our hotel room! Really?! God, You are so good! It was little things like this that truly encouraged us that God was right in the middle of this whole journey! We still pray that God will provide the finances to pay for the remainder of the medical expenses! God is bigger and He has proven his faithfulness so far!!
I will continue to post about our journey with Elijah at home, but for now, the little man is getting restless...time to eat!!
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Journey to bring our boy home!
Well, most of you know that we were matched late last night! God is so good!! I'm sure some of you want to know how it all happened, so here is God's hand moving in one full swoop!
This past week, we were really struggling with a couple of different birthmom situations and were shown to a birthmom on Monday after deciding, painfully, not to be shown to another. In the meantime, we noticed on one of the websites of a situation that became available, but were unable to call on it, since we were being shown to another birthmom. We found out on Tuesday that the birthmom did not choose us, so proceeded to look for the other situation we saw. It was gone. We assumed that it wasn't our baby and moved on. Well, late Friday afternoon, June 24th, a case worker from A Guardian Angel Adoptions called and asked if we would want to be shown to a birthmom that night! I called Jon, telling him the details and then mentioning the most shocking part, "and by the way, she is going to be induced in a week!" Hmmm....what do we do? We felt that we had nothing to lose, since we would be 1 of 6 families shown to this mom, Taneka. We released it into God's hands and went ahead with our plans for Lane's wedding!!
We had a fabulous time at Lane and Andrew's wedding on Saturday evening and headed back home about 10:30pm or so. I decided to check my phone to see if anyone had called and sure enough I had a voicemail. The caseworker that presented our profile to Taneka called and said, "I will be up late this evening, please give me a call when you get this." Well, I hated to call at 11pm at night, so I sent her a text message saying, "Sorry this is so late. This is Tiffany Stewart. Just getting home from cousin's wedding. Can call tomorrow?" Her response, "If you call me tonight I'll tell you some really good news ;)" We all know what I did, immediately! I called her! She said, Taneka has chosen you guys for her baby boy! We were so excited, words cannot express the emotions that filled the car up! Nick was super excited and immediately named our little boy! Nick says, "it's a boy! We are going to call him, Elijah! We can call him Eli!" Well, okay then! We looked up the name, Elijah, and it's meaning is, "Lord is my God." Perfect! Elijah, it will be. When we got off the phone with the caseworker, of course we called as many as we could at midnight and text others. We had the cousins screaming with excitement, Mimi and Aunt Kristi in near tears with joy, and my little brother dumbfounded at what just happened. Needless to say, Jon and I could not sleep last night due to excitement and a little anxiety about the fast approaching due date. We had so much to do in so little time.
I think we finally fell asleep about 2:30am. I popped out of bed at 8am by the sound of my phone going nuts with texts and facebook congrats! I immediately started the task of lists of what to do and questions to ask. Called me dear friend, Mandy, for advice and comfort in this crazy time. Jon got up and we started the grueling process of booking flights, hotels, and other things. It has taken us all day to get things situated, but it has been done! We weren't sure where some of the financing was going to come from for some of this, so we gave it over to the Lord, asking, "Lord we know this is your timing and we know you will provide." Sure enough...He is faithful! Jon's dad gifted us with airline miles to fly us into Utah! Our bank cards had enough points saved up to help pay over half of our hotel costs, and USAA pulled through on the car rental. Okay....what about the baby...he has nothing to wear, drink from, or come home safely in! Jon's best friend, Matt Resers' mom...pulled through on behalf of our God! They called saying, "we want to take you, today, to get a car seat for your baby." So off to Babies R Us we went! Wow, what a blessing! So grateful and overwhelmed by the love of our friends!! While we were there we got the essentials for Elijah while we are in Utah, some onsies, a few bottles, some pacifiers, blankets, etc. As we were walking around the store, Jon's mom called, "Jon, my Bible study group would like to get your pack N play for you! Pick it out while you are there and we will get it while you are gone!" Really!? So blessed!
Now, our sweet little Nicholas...what to do. We planned on having him stay with his Mimi and Pop, but knew they were under a lot of stress and really busy with their moving. My sister and husband were planning on coming through Dallas on Thursday and Friday on their way to our annual 4th of July at our dad's (which we will miss this year) and offered to take Nick with them so he could spend time up there! Great! Nick was pumped! Then my dad calls and says, "Let Nick stay here the rest of the time you are gone." Nick flew through the roof! The idea of spending time with his Uncle Brett and Papa made his day!! My dad is going to bring Nick back home when we get home and then get to see his new grandbaby! God is so good!
Okay, during all of this Jon was a little stressed, well, a lot stressed, because we are still a bit short some of our funds. We have had some wonderful friends add funds. $200 here and $500 there and our precious family to help and we are so blessed by them and their support for us. Every little bit helps in these emergency situations and we are so grateful for family and friends that are stepping in to fill in our financial gaps. We know we are still in need of funding for the medical bills, but we are trusting in God's provision and know He will provide!
Please pray for Jon, Nick, Elijah, and Taneka during this extremely exciting, stressful, and emotional time for a family.
Here are some specific ways you can pray:
Please pray for:
*Safety in Travel to Utah
*The birth of our little boy
*For Taneka's heart and willingness to give her child life
*All paperwork to go smoothly and without a glitch
*For our ICPC to go to and from Texas easily and quicky so we can return home with Elijah
*Preparing Nicholas for the time apart from him
*Continued provision of finances for our adoption
*Peace, wisdom, guidance, and patience for Jon and I as we encounter new and stressful situations
Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support! We are so extremely blessed and did I mention, God is so good!
We will keep you posted as we continue to bring our little boy home!
This past week, we were really struggling with a couple of different birthmom situations and were shown to a birthmom on Monday after deciding, painfully, not to be shown to another. In the meantime, we noticed on one of the websites of a situation that became available, but were unable to call on it, since we were being shown to another birthmom. We found out on Tuesday that the birthmom did not choose us, so proceeded to look for the other situation we saw. It was gone. We assumed that it wasn't our baby and moved on. Well, late Friday afternoon, June 24th, a case worker from A Guardian Angel Adoptions called and asked if we would want to be shown to a birthmom that night! I called Jon, telling him the details and then mentioning the most shocking part, "and by the way, she is going to be induced in a week!" Hmmm....what do we do? We felt that we had nothing to lose, since we would be 1 of 6 families shown to this mom, Taneka. We released it into God's hands and went ahead with our plans for Lane's wedding!!
We had a fabulous time at Lane and Andrew's wedding on Saturday evening and headed back home about 10:30pm or so. I decided to check my phone to see if anyone had called and sure enough I had a voicemail. The caseworker that presented our profile to Taneka called and said, "I will be up late this evening, please give me a call when you get this." Well, I hated to call at 11pm at night, so I sent her a text message saying, "Sorry this is so late. This is Tiffany Stewart. Just getting home from cousin's wedding. Can call tomorrow?" Her response, "If you call me tonight I'll tell you some really good news ;)" We all know what I did, immediately! I called her! She said, Taneka has chosen you guys for her baby boy! We were so excited, words cannot express the emotions that filled the car up! Nick was super excited and immediately named our little boy! Nick says, "it's a boy! We are going to call him, Elijah! We can call him Eli!" Well, okay then! We looked up the name, Elijah, and it's meaning is, "Lord is my God." Perfect! Elijah, it will be. When we got off the phone with the caseworker, of course we called as many as we could at midnight and text others. We had the cousins screaming with excitement, Mimi and Aunt Kristi in near tears with joy, and my little brother dumbfounded at what just happened. Needless to say, Jon and I could not sleep last night due to excitement and a little anxiety about the fast approaching due date. We had so much to do in so little time.
I think we finally fell asleep about 2:30am. I popped out of bed at 8am by the sound of my phone going nuts with texts and facebook congrats! I immediately started the task of lists of what to do and questions to ask. Called me dear friend, Mandy, for advice and comfort in this crazy time. Jon got up and we started the grueling process of booking flights, hotels, and other things. It has taken us all day to get things situated, but it has been done! We weren't sure where some of the financing was going to come from for some of this, so we gave it over to the Lord, asking, "Lord we know this is your timing and we know you will provide." Sure enough...He is faithful! Jon's dad gifted us with airline miles to fly us into Utah! Our bank cards had enough points saved up to help pay over half of our hotel costs, and USAA pulled through on the car rental. Okay....what about the baby...he has nothing to wear, drink from, or come home safely in! Jon's best friend, Matt Resers' mom...pulled through on behalf of our God! They called saying, "we want to take you, today, to get a car seat for your baby." So off to Babies R Us we went! Wow, what a blessing! So grateful and overwhelmed by the love of our friends!! While we were there we got the essentials for Elijah while we are in Utah, some onsies, a few bottles, some pacifiers, blankets, etc. As we were walking around the store, Jon's mom called, "Jon, my Bible study group would like to get your pack N play for you! Pick it out while you are there and we will get it while you are gone!" Really!? So blessed!
Now, our sweet little Nicholas...what to do. We planned on having him stay with his Mimi and Pop, but knew they were under a lot of stress and really busy with their moving. My sister and husband were planning on coming through Dallas on Thursday and Friday on their way to our annual 4th of July at our dad's (which we will miss this year) and offered to take Nick with them so he could spend time up there! Great! Nick was pumped! Then my dad calls and says, "Let Nick stay here the rest of the time you are gone." Nick flew through the roof! The idea of spending time with his Uncle Brett and Papa made his day!! My dad is going to bring Nick back home when we get home and then get to see his new grandbaby! God is so good!
Okay, during all of this Jon was a little stressed, well, a lot stressed, because we are still a bit short some of our funds. We have had some wonderful friends add funds. $200 here and $500 there and our precious family to help and we are so blessed by them and their support for us. Every little bit helps in these emergency situations and we are so grateful for family and friends that are stepping in to fill in our financial gaps. We know we are still in need of funding for the medical bills, but we are trusting in God's provision and know He will provide!
Please pray for Jon, Nick, Elijah, and Taneka during this extremely exciting, stressful, and emotional time for a family.
Here are some specific ways you can pray:
Please pray for:
*Safety in Travel to Utah
*The birth of our little boy
*For Taneka's heart and willingness to give her child life
*All paperwork to go smoothly and without a glitch
*For our ICPC to go to and from Texas easily and quicky so we can return home with Elijah
*Preparing Nicholas for the time apart from him
*Continued provision of finances for our adoption
*Peace, wisdom, guidance, and patience for Jon and I as we encounter new and stressful situations
Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support! We are so extremely blessed and did I mention, God is so good!
We will keep you posted as we continue to bring our little boy home!
Friday, June 10, 2011
Wow! It's been a year!
Wow! It's been a year since this journey began! We can't believe it either! Many ups and downs have happened throughout this past year, but a lot of new wisdom and lessons taught. You truly don't realize the process and toll that adopting can take on you until you have been through it. At least that is how we feel now....and we aren't on the other side, yet!
Well, with a year anniversary comes a lot more paperwork and things to do.....AGAIN! The state of Texas (and just about any state now) requires you to keep your homestudy, background checks, and all other clearances updated once a year. This means....our local caseworker, Amy, will be paying another home visit to our family to complete another homestudy...this will be our 3rd one, including the one we had done for Nicholas's adoption. I guess we just need to set a yearly date with Amy, since we will continue to expand our family through adoption periodically.. So....we meet with Amy on Tuesday evening to talk about what has happened in the last year, if we continue to feel the same about adoption, if any health issues have popped up, and every other detail of our lives. In addition, we have an appointment Monday afternoon to have our fingerprints done for our Texas criminal background checks and clearances. We also will fill out forms for the child abuse/neglect clearances for the state so they can run those. Don't forget we have to be fingerprinted for the FBI, too. For this one we get to pay a visit to the local police station and get fingerprinted! Sounds like fun doesn't it? One day, we will be able to do all of this in one step.....we can only hope. Let me remind you...we have already done all this twice before..... On a positive note...at least I am off for the summer so I can take of this stuff rather quickly.
So, those are the facts! Now what about the feelings about all this? Well, how would you feel going through this for your children on a yearly basis? It really puts things into perspective for families that have a family through adoption. Bringing our babies home is not a 9 month waiting period of excitement! It has it's many ups and downs...and...it last twice as long.....as long as 18 months for some. I continue to pray that people's hearts continue to soften for adoption for the many children waiting to come home to their forever families. I pray for the couples that easily conceive their children will be able to see God's heart for the families that adopt their children and can offer support, love, and understanding into their longing to bring their children home.
Okay, okay....Jon and I have been very frustrated the last couple of weeks, just knowing that we have to do all of this again, without our baby! We have to remind ourselves, daily, to give it over to God. Today was a little more difficult for me, though. As I waited on answers, I kept asking God, "Please, Lord...still my restless, controlling heart. This is in your hands, not my own. Your plan is so perfect and I trust You in your timing!" Honestly, that was not easy. I think I repeated that about 50 times in a matter of 2 hours! Each time, I felt God comforting me and telling me, "I have this. Trust me." He sure did. I got all my questions answered and appointments made for our homestudy. One step done!
As far as birthmoms seeing our profile.....it is starting to pick up again for the number of possible children up for adoption. We continue to wait on the Lord for His perfect timing and the perfect child for the Stewart family. I don't normally mention this on here, but we are, possibly, being shown to a birthmom this weekend. As always, our hearts are guarded, but our hope remains in the Lord. Please pray with us for this precious birthmom as she makes a difficult decision for a child and for God's perfect plan for our family. (Perhaps, a little prayer of God's favor over our family, too, as she looks through profiles? ;) ) All we know is that it is out of our hands.....
As I was writing this, Nick began writing a small note of how this whole process has affected him. I ask for his permission to put it in here for you, so that you can see the heart of our child.
"Our adoption is scary. I felt like we were not going to a baby. But my mom and my dad did not get scared. I don't care if the baby is a boy or a girl. I don't care if the baby is African American or white. It is in God's time. I was adopted and it was easy for my mom and to choose me. If they hadn't picked me, I would still be in a foster home. There were hundreds of me's, but they chose me. So I am just hoping that God will let us have a baby and if not soon, then we will keep waiting for our adoption." --- Thanks you, by: Nicholas
Wow! We are so truly blessed by such an amazing child! I am so thankful that he is a part of this journey with us, because I love his child like perspective and thoughts throughout.
Again, we are so blessed for so many family and friends who are truly supporting us in our journey through prayer, emotional support, and with finances. Our God is so amazing!! We are beyond blessed by His goodness each and every day. Let me leave you with what Jon and I say each morning in our prayer time together.
"Lord, our hope is in You, not in what lies in front of us or behind us. We continue to trust You in every aspect of our lives."
Well, with a year anniversary comes a lot more paperwork and things to do.....AGAIN! The state of Texas (and just about any state now) requires you to keep your homestudy, background checks, and all other clearances updated once a year. This means....our local caseworker, Amy, will be paying another home visit to our family to complete another homestudy...this will be our 3rd one, including the one we had done for Nicholas's adoption. I guess we just need to set a yearly date with Amy, since we will continue to expand our family through adoption periodically.. So....we meet with Amy on Tuesday evening to talk about what has happened in the last year, if we continue to feel the same about adoption, if any health issues have popped up, and every other detail of our lives. In addition, we have an appointment Monday afternoon to have our fingerprints done for our Texas criminal background checks and clearances. We also will fill out forms for the child abuse/neglect clearances for the state so they can run those. Don't forget we have to be fingerprinted for the FBI, too. For this one we get to pay a visit to the local police station and get fingerprinted! Sounds like fun doesn't it? One day, we will be able to do all of this in one step.....we can only hope. Let me remind you...we have already done all this twice before..... On a positive note...at least I am off for the summer so I can take of this stuff rather quickly.
So, those are the facts! Now what about the feelings about all this? Well, how would you feel going through this for your children on a yearly basis? It really puts things into perspective for families that have a family through adoption. Bringing our babies home is not a 9 month waiting period of excitement! It has it's many ups and downs...and...it last twice as long.....as long as 18 months for some. I continue to pray that people's hearts continue to soften for adoption for the many children waiting to come home to their forever families. I pray for the couples that easily conceive their children will be able to see God's heart for the families that adopt their children and can offer support, love, and understanding into their longing to bring their children home.
Okay, okay....Jon and I have been very frustrated the last couple of weeks, just knowing that we have to do all of this again, without our baby! We have to remind ourselves, daily, to give it over to God. Today was a little more difficult for me, though. As I waited on answers, I kept asking God, "Please, Lord...still my restless, controlling heart. This is in your hands, not my own. Your plan is so perfect and I trust You in your timing!" Honestly, that was not easy. I think I repeated that about 50 times in a matter of 2 hours! Each time, I felt God comforting me and telling me, "I have this. Trust me." He sure did. I got all my questions answered and appointments made for our homestudy. One step done!
As far as birthmoms seeing our profile.....it is starting to pick up again for the number of possible children up for adoption. We continue to wait on the Lord for His perfect timing and the perfect child for the Stewart family. I don't normally mention this on here, but we are, possibly, being shown to a birthmom this weekend. As always, our hearts are guarded, but our hope remains in the Lord. Please pray with us for this precious birthmom as she makes a difficult decision for a child and for God's perfect plan for our family. (Perhaps, a little prayer of God's favor over our family, too, as she looks through profiles? ;) ) All we know is that it is out of our hands.....
As I was writing this, Nick began writing a small note of how this whole process has affected him. I ask for his permission to put it in here for you, so that you can see the heart of our child.
"Our adoption is scary. I felt like we were not going to a baby. But my mom and my dad did not get scared. I don't care if the baby is a boy or a girl. I don't care if the baby is African American or white. It is in God's time. I was adopted and it was easy for my mom and to choose me. If they hadn't picked me, I would still be in a foster home. There were hundreds of me's, but they chose me. So I am just hoping that God will let us have a baby and if not soon, then we will keep waiting for our adoption." --- Thanks you, by: Nicholas
Wow! We are so truly blessed by such an amazing child! I am so thankful that he is a part of this journey with us, because I love his child like perspective and thoughts throughout.
Again, we are so blessed for so many family and friends who are truly supporting us in our journey through prayer, emotional support, and with finances. Our God is so amazing!! We are beyond blessed by His goodness each and every day. Let me leave you with what Jon and I say each morning in our prayer time together.
"Lord, our hope is in You, not in what lies in front of us or behind us. We continue to trust You in every aspect of our lives."
Monday, May 16, 2011
Many lessons learned
We sit at about 3-4 weeks shy of a year of the time we began this journey with our initial contacts to start our adoption journey. It's hard to believe it has been that long, yet it almost feels like an eternity. As I have mentioned before, God's timing is everything in all that we have done and are going through. This journey has definately had many emotional up and downs within it and continues to take us on a roller coaster ride. Through this, though, God has done some amazing works not only through Jon, Nick, and I, but to family and friends along this journey with us.
I have to first admit that these last few weeks have been emotionally trying on me, perhaps on Jon, but especially on me. I don't share this with you for pity, but for God's triumph over the pain and how involved He truly is in all of our lives! Our profile has been shown a couple more times to birth moms, each time bringing our hopes to a soaring level, but then back down to the bottom when the call came, "I am so sorry but the birthmom has chosen another family." Our hope was shaken, along with our trust, and faith that this was God's will. "Is there something wrong with us?" Jon would ask. "Absolutely not. That baby is not your baby. Rest in Me. Your baby will arrive in my perfect timing." This word from the Lord didn't come this easily this time. I had to cry, be angry, and seek prayer for this one. Through our consultant and my sweet friend, Mandy, God lifted our hopes and spirits into God's timing. (Whew! we are not alone in how we are feeling!)
As my mind continued to move at a whirlwind speed with our adoption, I started to read a lot more in order to ease my ever moving mind. If you haven't picked up a Francine Rivers book...I would highly recommend it. I just finished the Mark of the Lion series and God spoke directly to my heart through the characters and their faith. It made me realize that God allows many things to happen in our life to draw us closer to Him. (Wait! I already knew that!) It was just said and mentioned over and over again throughout the series and seeing the fruits/blessings of the characters' endurance finally solidified it into my heart! One character, specifically drew my attention, as probably most the readers. Her name is Hadassah. A girl taken from her home after her entire family was killed, and sent to Rome into slavery. One of her first thoughts that caught me was in the form of "Why me, Lord? My faith is not the strongest in my family. Why did you not take me to heaven and leave my brother?" She may have had little faith in the beginning, but God used each circumstance to prove His love and protection over her. When she continued to trust God through the hard times, and I mean worse than we could ever imagine now, God was ALWAYS with her. She stood her ground in her faith, yet humbly and faithfully served others as her Lord would ask of her. Her faith was tranformed thoughout this book. From a wavering faith to a faith strong enough to look death in the eye and proclaim God's love to all! (Lord, this is the heart that I want!) This book captured my mind and my daily thoughts even after reading them. I continued to take scenarios from this series and apply it to my life. Yes, even a book written out of someone else mind, can be used by God to transform the heart.
Pray for those who persecute you. Another lesson learned. I know that adoption is not the calling of many people, but I seem to hold a little chip on my shoulder for those who openly did not support it. Well, God is breaking that chip away. He let me encounter this just recently. I realized...or I should say, God helped me realize that our adoption was truly not the heart of some people we know. Comments were made in conversation that crushed me. They made me feel unworthy, angry, sad, and worthless all at the same time. I began to lash out, but God quickly reprimanded me before I could. "Wait, what are you doing? Stop what you are about to say and leave it with me." I quickly walked away and let God run scripture through my head, that believe it or not, was scriptures that I remembered from the book I was reading. God brought me to His feet, struggling with peace, but wrapping my mind in His words. As the scriptures ran through my head I struggled to pray for those who had slandered us with unkind words. I remember saying, "Lord, please bring peace to me. Break the tension that has just unfolded before us." That's when a special person walked in and I knew God sent her for my peace for the remainder of the evening. Her faith and support was what kept my mind at peace, even though I didn't talk much after this situation, I knew God's peace had followed her into this home. Yes, I still struggle with what happened, but I know God is preparing us. I know that He will always be with us throughout this process and as He continues to bring His precious children into our home! Hearts will be changed, but it won't be by my power, but through God's power and Words.
As I sit here and share this with people I may have never known, or those of you that I know from other seasons in my life, or those of you who are in the current season of my life, God reminds me that seasons do change. With each new season, He brings different people into our lives to encourage us or for us to encourage them. Do you realize that those in your life may only be a part of your life for a season, like a passing wind? What is your impact on their lives going to be. Will God be able to leave a lasting impression on their lives through you? I know that God has brought people into my life through my current job, for a short season of 9 months, but that was all God needed to encourage me and to encourage them that God is in all things! Through this nine months, I was able to support, encourage, and pray for a precious lady that had the world against from the beginning of the school year. Now, God has proven faithful and has begun opening doors for her, taking her away, but leading her into His will. She crossed my path, though, and God made me realize how important relationships are, even at work! He also brought another sweet and amazing woman into my path, not at the beginning of the year, but let's just say, in absolute perfect timing. She and I were able to pray fervently for each other and support each other through some very emotional issues in our lives. She then went through a season of pouring that began pulling her in all sorts of directions. I felt God saying, "Encourage, pray, and love on her." Although she is not completely out of this season, yet, I know God is moving in her life and I know God is going to bless her faithfulness in Him. (How do I know this? God is good and He has only mentioned it everytime I see her!) I will dearly miss these two precious women, but know God has entwined our hearts that we will continue to follow God's path for our lives and will one day see each other again, knowing that we crossed paths in God's amazing will!
Let's wrap it up! I pray that this encourages you in whatever journey God has you and your family on. Remember He is bigger than any mountain placed in front of you. Blessings to each of you as you have read this.
I have to first admit that these last few weeks have been emotionally trying on me, perhaps on Jon, but especially on me. I don't share this with you for pity, but for God's triumph over the pain and how involved He truly is in all of our lives! Our profile has been shown a couple more times to birth moms, each time bringing our hopes to a soaring level, but then back down to the bottom when the call came, "I am so sorry but the birthmom has chosen another family." Our hope was shaken, along with our trust, and faith that this was God's will. "Is there something wrong with us?" Jon would ask. "Absolutely not. That baby is not your baby. Rest in Me. Your baby will arrive in my perfect timing." This word from the Lord didn't come this easily this time. I had to cry, be angry, and seek prayer for this one. Through our consultant and my sweet friend, Mandy, God lifted our hopes and spirits into God's timing. (Whew! we are not alone in how we are feeling!)
As my mind continued to move at a whirlwind speed with our adoption, I started to read a lot more in order to ease my ever moving mind. If you haven't picked up a Francine Rivers book...I would highly recommend it. I just finished the Mark of the Lion series and God spoke directly to my heart through the characters and their faith. It made me realize that God allows many things to happen in our life to draw us closer to Him. (Wait! I already knew that!) It was just said and mentioned over and over again throughout the series and seeing the fruits/blessings of the characters' endurance finally solidified it into my heart! One character, specifically drew my attention, as probably most the readers. Her name is Hadassah. A girl taken from her home after her entire family was killed, and sent to Rome into slavery. One of her first thoughts that caught me was in the form of "Why me, Lord? My faith is not the strongest in my family. Why did you not take me to heaven and leave my brother?" She may have had little faith in the beginning, but God used each circumstance to prove His love and protection over her. When she continued to trust God through the hard times, and I mean worse than we could ever imagine now, God was ALWAYS with her. She stood her ground in her faith, yet humbly and faithfully served others as her Lord would ask of her. Her faith was tranformed thoughout this book. From a wavering faith to a faith strong enough to look death in the eye and proclaim God's love to all! (Lord, this is the heart that I want!) This book captured my mind and my daily thoughts even after reading them. I continued to take scenarios from this series and apply it to my life. Yes, even a book written out of someone else mind, can be used by God to transform the heart.
Pray for those who persecute you. Another lesson learned. I know that adoption is not the calling of many people, but I seem to hold a little chip on my shoulder for those who openly did not support it. Well, God is breaking that chip away. He let me encounter this just recently. I realized...or I should say, God helped me realize that our adoption was truly not the heart of some people we know. Comments were made in conversation that crushed me. They made me feel unworthy, angry, sad, and worthless all at the same time. I began to lash out, but God quickly reprimanded me before I could. "Wait, what are you doing? Stop what you are about to say and leave it with me." I quickly walked away and let God run scripture through my head, that believe it or not, was scriptures that I remembered from the book I was reading. God brought me to His feet, struggling with peace, but wrapping my mind in His words. As the scriptures ran through my head I struggled to pray for those who had slandered us with unkind words. I remember saying, "Lord, please bring peace to me. Break the tension that has just unfolded before us." That's when a special person walked in and I knew God sent her for my peace for the remainder of the evening. Her faith and support was what kept my mind at peace, even though I didn't talk much after this situation, I knew God's peace had followed her into this home. Yes, I still struggle with what happened, but I know God is preparing us. I know that He will always be with us throughout this process and as He continues to bring His precious children into our home! Hearts will be changed, but it won't be by my power, but through God's power and Words.
As I sit here and share this with people I may have never known, or those of you that I know from other seasons in my life, or those of you who are in the current season of my life, God reminds me that seasons do change. With each new season, He brings different people into our lives to encourage us or for us to encourage them. Do you realize that those in your life may only be a part of your life for a season, like a passing wind? What is your impact on their lives going to be. Will God be able to leave a lasting impression on their lives through you? I know that God has brought people into my life through my current job, for a short season of 9 months, but that was all God needed to encourage me and to encourage them that God is in all things! Through this nine months, I was able to support, encourage, and pray for a precious lady that had the world against from the beginning of the school year. Now, God has proven faithful and has begun opening doors for her, taking her away, but leading her into His will. She crossed my path, though, and God made me realize how important relationships are, even at work! He also brought another sweet and amazing woman into my path, not at the beginning of the year, but let's just say, in absolute perfect timing. She and I were able to pray fervently for each other and support each other through some very emotional issues in our lives. She then went through a season of pouring that began pulling her in all sorts of directions. I felt God saying, "Encourage, pray, and love on her." Although she is not completely out of this season, yet, I know God is moving in her life and I know God is going to bless her faithfulness in Him. (How do I know this? God is good and He has only mentioned it everytime I see her!) I will dearly miss these two precious women, but know God has entwined our hearts that we will continue to follow God's path for our lives and will one day see each other again, knowing that we crossed paths in God's amazing will!
Let's wrap it up! I pray that this encourages you in whatever journey God has you and your family on. Remember He is bigger than any mountain placed in front of you. Blessings to each of you as you have read this.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Lifesong support letter
Dear Family and Friends,
As many of you know, we believe that God has called us to adopt a child into our family from the United States. Our family has been along this journey for just about eight months. We believe that our child will be coming home in the next three to five months. Currently, our family profile is being shown to birth moms at several different agencies and we are waiting for our perfect match. Our family is thrilled that our baby will be home soon and we continue to pray for him/her on a daily basis.
God’s calling to adopt has always been on our hearts, but His revealing of why and where it came from has been a journey that He has slowly shown as we trusted Him completely and followed Him into this amazing journey to bring one of His children into our home! Our journey first began with our son, Nicholas, whom we adopted in May of 2008 after Tiffany’s mother passed away. Through Nicholas, we experienced first hand the blessings of adoption. We felt then that adoption was very much on the heart of Our Heavenly Father. In February 2010, God used a speaker at our church to remind us of His heart for adoption and to pursue our hearts for His calling on our family. At this time, Jon and I began to pray for God’s will over our family, thus starting our adoption journey four months later. Through this process, God has continued to confirm this calling to adopt through His Word and through family and friends.
It was not hard for us to step into God’s call to bring more children into our home through adoption. The challenge has been finding the finances to bring our baby home. We estimate that our total cost for adoption fees, document preparation, home study, airfare, travel, attorney fees, etc. to be $30,500, which is money that we don’t have right now. We do know that God is faithful and will provide as we continue to trust and follow Him along this journey. We have been so blessed to have raised $12,000 so far for our adoption and also we have $5000 from our own funds. Our family is truly humbled by the thought of having to ask for additional financial support, but also believe that God calls each of us to make our needs known to our brothers and sisters in Christ. We have been so grateful for our family and friends’ support and would like to ask you to pray and consider helping us in our adoption. There are two ways that you can help:
1. Prayer – Please pray for our precious baby. Pray that he/she would have a safe and healthy pregnancy. Pray for the birth mother that God would give her peace and comfort as she prepares her heart to give up her child for adoption.
2. Financial Support - Please prayerfully consider making a tax-deductible donation to help us pay the remaining $13,500 to bring our baby home.
Lifesong (www.lifesongfororphans.org) has set up a fund raising effort on behalf of our adoption. If you would like help in giving a child a “forever” home, please send your gift by April 26th.
Please make checks payable to: “Lifesong for Orphans” and write this information in the memo line (Preference: Jonathan and Tiffany Stewart / #1840 Adoption). *Note. In following IRS guidelines, your donation is to the named non profit organization. This organization retains full discretion over its use, but intends to honor the donor’s suggested use.
Please mail checks to:
Lifesong for Orphans
PO Box 40 / 202 N. Ford St.
Gridley, IL 61744
Thank you so much for partnering with us through your prayer and financial support. By investing in the life of this child, you are sowing directly into kingdom of God.
To Him be the glory,
As many of you know, we believe that God has called us to adopt a child into our family from the United States. Our family has been along this journey for just about eight months. We believe that our child will be coming home in the next three to five months. Currently, our family profile is being shown to birth moms at several different agencies and we are waiting for our perfect match. Our family is thrilled that our baby will be home soon and we continue to pray for him/her on a daily basis.
God’s calling to adopt has always been on our hearts, but His revealing of why and where it came from has been a journey that He has slowly shown as we trusted Him completely and followed Him into this amazing journey to bring one of His children into our home! Our journey first began with our son, Nicholas, whom we adopted in May of 2008 after Tiffany’s mother passed away. Through Nicholas, we experienced first hand the blessings of adoption. We felt then that adoption was very much on the heart of Our Heavenly Father. In February 2010, God used a speaker at our church to remind us of His heart for adoption and to pursue our hearts for His calling on our family. At this time, Jon and I began to pray for God’s will over our family, thus starting our adoption journey four months later. Through this process, God has continued to confirm this calling to adopt through His Word and through family and friends.
It was not hard for us to step into God’s call to bring more children into our home through adoption. The challenge has been finding the finances to bring our baby home. We estimate that our total cost for adoption fees, document preparation, home study, airfare, travel, attorney fees, etc. to be $30,500, which is money that we don’t have right now. We do know that God is faithful and will provide as we continue to trust and follow Him along this journey. We have been so blessed to have raised $12,000 so far for our adoption and also we have $5000 from our own funds. Our family is truly humbled by the thought of having to ask for additional financial support, but also believe that God calls each of us to make our needs known to our brothers and sisters in Christ. We have been so grateful for our family and friends’ support and would like to ask you to pray and consider helping us in our adoption. There are two ways that you can help:
1. Prayer – Please pray for our precious baby. Pray that he/she would have a safe and healthy pregnancy. Pray for the birth mother that God would give her peace and comfort as she prepares her heart to give up her child for adoption.
2. Financial Support - Please prayerfully consider making a tax-deductible donation to help us pay the remaining $13,500 to bring our baby home.
Lifesong (www.lifesongfororphans.org) has set up a fund raising effort on behalf of our adoption. If you would like help in giving a child a “forever” home, please send your gift by April 26th.
Please make checks payable to: “Lifesong for Orphans” and write this information in the memo line (Preference: Jonathan and Tiffany Stewart / #1840 Adoption). *Note. In following IRS guidelines, your donation is to the named non profit organization. This organization retains full discretion over its use, but intends to honor the donor’s suggested use.
Please mail checks to:
Lifesong for Orphans
PO Box 40 / 202 N. Ford St.
Gridley, IL 61744
Thank you so much for partnering with us through your prayer and financial support. By investing in the life of this child, you are sowing directly into kingdom of God.
To Him be the glory,
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