Bringing home Elijah!

These last few weeks have been .... well, I'm not even sure what words to use to describe the last few weeks! Where do I even begin? I will give you the quick version, b/c there is so much that has happened since my last entry. After our call on the 25th, things flew into a very quick whirlwind! On that following Monday afternoon (around 4 or 5 pm), our Guardian Angel case worker called me and asked, "so, how soon do you think you can get here?" I was a little baffled by the question until she informed me that our birthmom, was going into labor! There was no question in our minds what our decision was going to be...Let's go tonight! In less than 3 hours we were packed and heading to the airport to fly to Utah!

As we begin to check into the airport, Jodi, our case worker, calls and says, "Congratulations! You have a healthy baby boy. He is 7 pounds 3 ounces, 19 inches long!" We couldn't get there fast enough. With built anticipation we boarded our plan for our 3 hour flight, landed in Utah about Midnight and met Jodi to help guide us to our hotel. We had to wait until the morning to meet our new bundle of joy!

T, the birthmom, asked us to be at the hospital by 8am to meet her and our baby boy! We got there and were anxious, nervous, excited, and ready to meet both of them. As we walk into the room and laid eyes on our new son, my heart melted and immediately fell deeply in love with our precious little Elijah! At the same time my heart went out to T, the birthmom, and the most sacrificing decision she has made! We had the chance to sit down and talk to her and get to know her a little bit.

T is an absolutely beautiful woman. She is so sweet, kind, loving, and self sacrificing for her children. Although, her circumstances were unstable and her life crazy back home, she knew beyond a shadow of doubt that her little boy needed more stability and need our family. As we continued to talk with her, she told the story of how she chose our family for Elijah. She had received about 5 profiles on Wednesday, June 22nd, to review and to choose from. This stack did not include our profile. She felt that none of these families were the right family for her little boy, so she asked the agency for a few more. They obliged and found three additional families to show her. This is where we came in. I was called on Friday morning, June 24th, and was asked if we would like our profile shown to her, the only thing...mom is due on Thursday, June 30th. Well, after talking to Jon, we decided, why not! We have nothing to lose. We didn't think much about it after that because Jon's cousin was getting married the next day! God is so good, and He knew that this was our precious little guy!! We continued to talk to T and really began to like her so much.

The next few days were spent going back and forth from the hospital, waiting to spend time with Elijah, yet being careful not to hurt or step on T's feelings as this was such a hard decision for her. We continued to hold our breath until papers were signed on june 27th at 7:30pm. The following day, we waited for what seemed like hours for our son to be discharged from the hospital. We were finally able to bring our baby "home" well our hotel room. It was so surreal that we still were in this cloud of thinking that this is all a dream. That evening we had dinner with our birthmom and the caseworkers for the final good byes.

For the next few days we began our wait for the ICPC paperwork to get approved in Utah and then Texas in order for us to cross state lines with our new bundle of joy. I must say, those few days were the longest days ever! Trying to get a sleep routine in a hotel is not easy, but we were so excited about our son that it didn't seem to phase us. We had our son, Elijah James Stewart!

Well, that Friday, July 1st, we got our call from Jodi, saying our paperwork had been approved and we were free to go home. We booked our flight for Sunday, and got ready to bring Elijah home! Elijah was great on the plane trip home, sleeping the entire time!

As we arrived at the airport we were greeted by Jon's parents, sister, Kristi, and brother in law, Peter. "Welcome Home, Elijah James Stewart!"

In the midst of the craziness, God's hand was right in the middle of the whole adoption! We were able to pay for the whole adoption with grants, and money we had saved, minus the mom's medical expenses that we managed to put on a credit card. We were able to use gift cards for the hotel that we received from Jon's reward points from our bank cards. We actually thought they were going to pay for half of the cost, but as Jon went to pay for the room with our 2 $200 cards, the man swiped one and it pulled up with $400 on it. We ended up paying $90 for our hotel room! Really?! God, You are so good! It was little things like this that truly encouraged us that God was right in the middle of this whole journey! We still pray that God will provide the finances to pay for the remainder of the medical expenses! God is bigger and He has proven his faithfulness so far!!

I will continue to post about our journey with Elijah at home, but for now, the little man is getting restless...time to eat!!

Journey to bring our boy home!

Well, most of you know that we were matched late last night! God is so good!! I'm sure some of you want to know how it all happened, so here is God's hand moving in one full swoop!

This past week, we were really struggling with a couple of different birthmom situations and were shown to a birthmom on Monday after deciding, painfully, not to be shown to another. In the meantime, we noticed on one of the websites of a situation that became available, but were unable to call on it, since we were being shown to another birthmom. We found out on Tuesday that the birthmom did not choose us, so proceeded to look for the other situation we saw. It was gone. We assumed that it wasn't our baby and moved on. Well, late Friday afternoon, June 24th, a case worker from A Guardian Angel Adoptions called and asked if we would want to be shown to a birthmom that night! I called Jon, telling him the details and then mentioning the most shocking part, "and by the way, she is going to be induced in a week!" Hmmm....what do we do? We felt that we had nothing to lose, since we would be 1 of 6 families shown to this mom, Taneka. We released it into God's hands and went ahead with our plans for Lane's wedding!!

We had a fabulous time at Lane and Andrew's wedding on Saturday evening and headed back home about 10:30pm or so. I decided to check my phone to see if anyone had called and sure enough I had a voicemail. The caseworker that presented our profile to Taneka called and said, "I will be up late this evening, please give me a call when you get this." Well, I hated to call at 11pm at night, so I sent her a text message saying, "Sorry this is so late. This is Tiffany Stewart. Just getting home from cousin's wedding. Can call tomorrow?" Her response, "If you call me tonight I'll tell you some really good news ;)" We all know what I did, immediately! I called her! She said, Taneka has chosen you guys for her baby boy! We were so excited, words cannot express the emotions that filled the car up! Nick was super excited and immediately named our little boy! Nick says, "it's a boy! We are going to call him, Elijah! We can call him Eli!" Well, okay then! We looked up the name, Elijah, and it's meaning is, "Lord is my God." Perfect! Elijah, it will be. When we got off the phone with the caseworker, of course we called as many as we could at midnight and text others. We had the cousins screaming with excitement, Mimi and Aunt Kristi in near tears with joy, and my little brother dumbfounded at what just happened. Needless to say, Jon and I could not sleep last night due to excitement and a little anxiety about the fast approaching due date. We had so much to do in so little time.

I think we finally fell asleep about 2:30am. I popped out of bed at 8am by the sound of my phone going nuts with texts and facebook congrats! I immediately started the task of lists of what to do and questions to ask. Called me dear friend, Mandy, for advice and comfort in this crazy time. Jon got up and we started the grueling process of booking flights, hotels, and other things. It has taken us all day to get things situated, but it has been done! We weren't sure where some of the financing was going to come from for some of this, so we gave it over to the Lord, asking, "Lord we know this is your timing and we know you will provide." Sure enough...He is faithful! Jon's dad gifted us with airline miles to fly us into Utah! Our bank cards had enough points saved up to help pay over half of our hotel costs, and USAA pulled through on the car rental. Okay....what about the baby...he has nothing to wear, drink from, or come home safely in! Jon's best friend, Matt Resers' mom...pulled through on behalf of our God! They called saying, "we want to take you, today, to get a car seat for your baby." So off to Babies R Us we went! Wow, what a blessing! So grateful and overwhelmed by the love of our friends!! While we were there we got the essentials for Elijah while we are in Utah, some onsies, a few bottles, some pacifiers, blankets, etc. As we were walking around the store, Jon's mom called, "Jon, my Bible study group would like to get your pack N play for you! Pick it out while you are there and we will get it while you are gone!" Really!? So blessed!

Now, our sweet little Nicholas...what to do. We planned on having him stay with his Mimi and Pop, but knew they were under a lot of stress and really busy with their moving. My sister and husband were planning on coming through Dallas on Thursday and Friday on their way to our annual 4th of July at our dad's (which we will miss this year) and offered to take Nick with them so he could spend time up there! Great! Nick was pumped! Then my dad calls and says, "Let Nick stay here the rest of the time you are gone." Nick flew through the roof! The idea of spending time with his Uncle Brett and Papa made his day!! My dad is going to bring Nick back home when we get home and then get to see his new grandbaby! God is so good!

Okay, during all of this Jon was a little stressed, well, a lot stressed, because we are still a bit short some of our funds. We have had some wonderful friends add funds. $200 here and $500 there and our precious family to help and we are so blessed by them and their support for us. Every little bit helps in these emergency situations and we are so grateful for family and friends that are stepping in to fill in our financial gaps. We know we are still in need of funding for the medical bills, but we are trusting in God's provision and know He will provide!

Please pray for Jon, Nick, Elijah, and Taneka during this extremely exciting, stressful, and emotional time for a family.

Here are some specific ways you can pray:

Please pray for:

*Safety in Travel to Utah
*The birth of our little boy
*For Taneka's heart and willingness to give her child life
*All paperwork to go smoothly and without a glitch
*For our ICPC to go to and from Texas easily and quicky so we can return home with Elijah
*Preparing Nicholas for the time apart from him
*Continued provision of finances for our adoption
*Peace, wisdom, guidance, and patience for Jon and I as we encounter new and stressful situations

Thank you so much for all of your prayers and support! We are so extremely blessed and did I mention, God is so good!

We will keep you posted as we continue to bring our little boy home!

Wow! It's been a year!

Wow! It's been a year since this journey began! We can't believe it either! Many ups and downs have happened throughout this past year, but a lot of new wisdom and lessons taught. You truly don't realize the process and toll that adopting can take on you until you have been through it. At least that is how we feel now....and we aren't on the other side, yet!

Well, with a year anniversary comes a lot more paperwork and things to do.....AGAIN! The state of Texas (and just about any state now) requires you to keep your homestudy, background checks, and all other clearances updated once a year. This means....our local caseworker, Amy, will be paying another home visit to our family to complete another homestudy...this will be our 3rd one, including the one we had done for Nicholas's adoption. I guess we just need to set a yearly date with Amy, since we will continue to expand our family through adoption periodically.. So....we meet with Amy on Tuesday evening to talk about what has happened in the last year, if we continue to feel the same about adoption, if any health issues have popped up, and every other detail of our lives. In addition, we have an appointment Monday afternoon to have our fingerprints done for our Texas criminal background checks and clearances. We also will fill out forms for the child abuse/neglect clearances for the state so they can run those. Don't forget we have to be fingerprinted for the FBI, too. For this one we get to pay a visit to the local police station and get fingerprinted! Sounds like fun doesn't it? One day, we will be able to do all of this in one step.....we can only hope. Let me remind you...we have already done all this twice before..... On a positive note...at least I am off for the summer so I can take of this stuff rather quickly.

So, those are the facts! Now what about the feelings about all this? Well, how would you feel going through this for your children on a yearly basis? It really puts things into perspective for families that have a family through adoption. Bringing our babies home is not a 9 month waiting period of excitement! It has it's many ups and downs...and...it last twice as long.....as long as 18 months for some. I continue to pray that people's hearts continue to soften for adoption for the many children waiting to come home to their forever families. I pray for the couples that easily conceive their children will be able to see God's heart for the families that adopt their children and can offer support, love, and understanding into their longing to bring their children home.

Okay, okay....Jon and I have been very frustrated the last couple of weeks, just knowing that we have to do all of this again, without our baby! We have to remind ourselves, daily, to give it over to God. Today was a little more difficult for me, though. As I waited on answers, I kept asking God, "Please, Lord...still my restless, controlling heart. This is in your hands, not my own. Your plan is so perfect and I trust You in your timing!" Honestly, that was not easy. I think I repeated that about 50 times in a matter of 2 hours! Each time, I felt God comforting me and telling me, "I have this. Trust me." He sure did. I got all my questions answered and appointments made for our homestudy. One step done!

As far as birthmoms seeing our profile.....it is starting to pick up again for the number of possible children up for adoption. We continue to wait on the Lord for His perfect timing and the perfect child for the Stewart family. I don't normally mention this on here, but we are, possibly, being shown to a birthmom this weekend. As always, our hearts are guarded, but our hope remains in the Lord. Please pray with us for this precious birthmom as she makes a difficult decision for a child and for God's perfect plan for our family. (Perhaps, a little prayer of God's favor over our family, too, as she looks through profiles? ;) ) All we know is that it is out of our hands.....

As I was writing this, Nick began writing a small note of how this whole process has affected him. I ask for his permission to put it in here for you, so that you can see the heart of our child.

"Our adoption is scary. I felt like we were not going to a baby. But my mom and my dad did not get scared. I don't care if the baby is a boy or a girl. I don't care if the baby is African American or white. It is in God's time. I was adopted and it was easy for my mom and to choose me. If they hadn't picked me, I would still be in a foster home. There were hundreds of me's, but they chose me. So I am just hoping that God will let us have a baby and if not soon, then we will keep waiting for our adoption." --- Thanks you, by: Nicholas

Wow! We are so truly blessed by such an amazing child! I am so thankful that he is a part of this journey with us, because I love his child like perspective and thoughts throughout.

Again, we are so blessed for so many family and friends who are truly supporting us in our journey through prayer, emotional support, and with finances. Our God is so amazing!! We are beyond blessed by His goodness each and every day. Let me leave you with what Jon and I say each morning in our prayer time together.

"Lord, our hope is in You, not in what lies in front of us or behind us. We continue to trust You in every aspect of our lives."

Many lessons learned

We sit at about 3-4 weeks shy of a year of the time we began this journey with our initial contacts to start our adoption journey. It's hard to believe it has been that long, yet it almost feels like an eternity. As I have mentioned before, God's timing is everything in all that we have done and are going through. This journey has definately had many emotional up and downs within it and continues to take us on a roller coaster ride. Through this, though, God has done some amazing works not only through Jon, Nick, and I, but to family and friends along this journey with us.
I have to first admit that these last few weeks have been emotionally trying on me, perhaps on Jon, but especially on me. I don't share this with you for pity, but for God's triumph over the pain and how involved He truly is in all of our lives! Our profile has been shown a couple more times to birth moms, each time bringing our hopes to a soaring level, but then back down to the bottom when the call came, "I am so sorry but the birthmom has chosen another family." Our hope was shaken, along with our trust, and faith that this was God's will. "Is there something wrong with us?" Jon would ask. "Absolutely not. That baby is not your baby. Rest in Me. Your baby will arrive in my perfect timing." This word from the Lord didn't come this easily this time. I had to cry, be angry, and seek prayer for this one. Through our consultant and my sweet friend, Mandy, God lifted our hopes and spirits into God's timing. (Whew! we are not alone in how we are feeling!)

As my mind continued to move at a whirlwind speed with our adoption, I started to read a lot more in order to ease my ever moving mind. If you haven't picked up a Francine Rivers book...I would highly recommend it. I just finished the Mark of the Lion series and God spoke directly to my heart through the characters and their faith. It made me realize that God allows many things to happen in our life to draw us closer to Him. (Wait! I already knew that!) It was just said and mentioned over and over again throughout the series and seeing the fruits/blessings of the characters' endurance finally solidified it into my heart! One character, specifically drew my attention, as probably most the readers. Her name is Hadassah. A girl taken from her home after her entire family was killed, and sent to Rome into slavery. One of her first thoughts that caught me was in the form of "Why me, Lord? My faith is not the strongest in my family. Why did you not take me to heaven and leave my brother?" She may have had little faith in the beginning, but God used each circumstance to prove His love and protection over her. When she continued to trust God through the hard times, and I mean worse than we could ever imagine now, God was ALWAYS with her. She stood her ground in her faith, yet humbly and faithfully served others as her Lord would ask of her. Her faith was tranformed thoughout this book. From a wavering faith to a faith strong enough to look death in the eye and proclaim God's love to all! (Lord, this is the heart that I want!) This book captured my mind and my daily thoughts even after reading them. I continued to take scenarios from this series and apply it to my life. Yes, even a book written out of someone else mind, can be used by God to transform the heart.

Pray for those who persecute you. Another lesson learned. I know that adoption is not the calling of many people, but I seem to hold a little chip on my shoulder for those who openly did not support it. Well, God is breaking that chip away. He let me encounter this just recently. I realized...or I should say, God helped me realize that our adoption was truly not the heart of some people we know. Comments were made in conversation that crushed me. They made me feel unworthy, angry, sad, and worthless all at the same time. I began to lash out, but God quickly reprimanded me before I could. "Wait, what are you doing? Stop what you are about to say and leave it with me." I quickly walked away and let God run scripture through my head, that believe it or not, was scriptures that I remembered from the book I was reading. God brought me to His feet, struggling with peace, but wrapping my mind in His words. As the scriptures ran through my head I struggled to pray for those who had slandered us with unkind words. I remember saying, "Lord, please bring peace to me. Break the tension that has just unfolded before us." That's when a special person walked in and I knew God sent her for my peace for the remainder of the evening. Her faith and support was what kept my mind at peace, even though I didn't talk much after this situation, I knew God's peace had followed her into this home. Yes, I still struggle with what happened, but I know God is preparing us. I know that He will always be with us throughout this process and as He continues to bring His precious children into our home! Hearts will be changed, but it won't be by my power, but through God's power and Words.

As I sit here and share this with people I may have never known, or those of you that I know from other seasons in my life, or those of you who are in the current season of my life, God reminds me that seasons do change. With each new season, He brings different people into our lives to encourage us or for us to encourage them. Do you realize that those in your life may only be a part of your life for a season, like a passing wind? What is your impact on their lives going to be. Will God be able to leave a lasting impression on their lives through you? I know that God has brought people into my life through my current job, for a short season of 9 months, but that was all God needed to encourage me and to encourage them that God is in all things! Through this nine months, I was able to support, encourage, and pray for a precious lady that had the world against from the beginning of the school year. Now, God has proven faithful and has begun opening doors for her, taking her away, but leading her into His will. She crossed my path, though, and God made me realize how important relationships are, even at work! He also brought another sweet and amazing woman into my path, not at the beginning of the year, but let's just say, in absolute perfect timing. She and I were able to pray fervently for each other and support each other through some very emotional issues in our lives. She then went through a season of pouring that began pulling her in all sorts of directions. I felt God saying, "Encourage, pray, and love on her." Although she is not completely out of this season, yet, I know God is moving in her life and I know God is going to bless her faithfulness in Him. (How do I know this? God is good and He has only mentioned it everytime I see her!) I will dearly miss these two precious women, but know God has entwined our hearts that we will continue to follow God's path for our lives and will one day see each other again, knowing that we crossed paths in God's amazing will!

Let's wrap it up! I pray that this encourages you in whatever journey God has you and your family on. Remember He is bigger than any mountain placed in front of you. Blessings to each of you as you have read this.

Lifesong support letter

Dear Family and Friends,

As many of you know, we believe that God has called us to adopt a child into our family from the United States. Our family has been along this journey for just about eight months. We believe that our child will be coming home in the next three to five months. Currently, our family profile is being shown to birth moms at several different agencies and we are waiting for our perfect match. Our family is thrilled that our baby will be home soon and we continue to pray for him/her on a daily basis.

God’s calling to adopt has always been on our hearts, but His revealing of why and where it came from has been a journey that He has slowly shown as we trusted Him completely and followed Him into this amazing journey to bring one of His children into our home! Our journey first began with our son, Nicholas, whom we adopted in May of 2008 after Tiffany’s mother passed away. Through Nicholas, we experienced first hand the blessings of adoption. We felt then that adoption was very much on the heart of Our Heavenly Father. In February 2010, God used a speaker at our church to remind us of His heart for adoption and to pursue our hearts for His calling on our family. At this time, Jon and I began to pray for God’s will over our family, thus starting our adoption journey four months later. Through this process, God has continued to confirm this calling to adopt through His Word and through family and friends.

It was not hard for us to step into God’s call to bring more children into our home through adoption. The challenge has been finding the finances to bring our baby home. We estimate that our total cost for adoption fees, document preparation, home study, airfare, travel, attorney fees, etc. to be $30,500, which is money that we don’t have right now. We do know that God is faithful and will provide as we continue to trust and follow Him along this journey. We have been so blessed to have raised $12,000 so far for our adoption and also we have $5000 from our own funds. Our family is truly humbled by the thought of having to ask for additional financial support, but also believe that God calls each of us to make our needs known to our brothers and sisters in Christ. We have been so grateful for our family and friends’ support and would like to ask you to pray and consider helping us in our adoption. There are two ways that you can help:

1. Prayer – Please pray for our precious baby. Pray that he/she would have a safe and healthy pregnancy. Pray for the birth mother that God would give her peace and comfort as she prepares her heart to give up her child for adoption.

2. Financial Support - Please prayerfully consider making a tax-deductible donation to help us pay the remaining $13,500 to bring our baby home.


Lifesong (www.lifesongfororphans.org) has set up a fund raising effort on behalf of our adoption. If you would like help in giving a child a “forever” home, please send your gift by April 26th.

Please make checks payable to: “Lifesong for Orphans” and write this information in the memo line (Preference: Jonathan and Tiffany Stewart / #1840 Adoption). *Note. In following IRS guidelines, your donation is to the named non profit organization. This organization retains full discretion over its use, but intends to honor the donor’s suggested use.

Please mail checks to:
Lifesong for Orphans
PO Box 40 / 202 N. Ford St.
Gridley, IL 61744

Thank you so much for partnering with us through your prayer and financial support. By investing in the life of this child, you are sowing directly into kingdom of God.


To Him be the glory,

Come before Me

A whisper in my mind and in my heart saying, "Come before Me." The vision seen: Upon my knees and head down on the floor in worship to my Father. This whisper and vision has been tugging at my heart for 3 weeks! "I hear you, Lord, but when do I have time to stop everything in my life to lay on the floor? I can't seem to catch up on any aspect of my life right now, how can I do this too? " His plea never subsided, never ceased, but only grew stronger within my heart. "Father, give me time and I will come before You." That's exactly what He did! I asked and He gave.... Now not all requests are ever that easy, especially within my life, but I knew for God to open this time to come before Him, His words were extremely important and urgent for me to hear, right now! Let me rewind back a few weeks, before I share God's words for me. Jon and I are still anxiously awaiting our match with our precious little one. We have had a our profile shown to another birthmom, which was not God's will, but we still remain in His timing. Our grant through Lifesong has not been moving as we had hoped it would move, although, we were extremely blessed by a few people that have currently donated. My hopes...possibly Jon's...started to spiral down to where my heart ached and my anxieties increased for what God was doing with our family. In addition, we have had behavior problems with our son, that have drained the energy from us. Not sure if this "his age" or something completely else. We have also been seeing my doctor that was able to remove my endometriosis this past fall about what our options are. This decision has truly torn my heart into pieces. Do I want to go back down that road again? According to the doctor, "this is your time. Your endometriosis is gone for the time being." But, God has called us to adopt. Why would I even want to consider any type of fertility treatment at this point? Would I be going against God's will if we pursued the smallest form of fertility, while we were in the process of adopting? What would people think of us for trying fertility while trying to adopt at the same time? I was exhausted and overwhelmed with all of these thoughts, emotions, decisions that were running through my mind and heart. Gratefully, through all of this God deepened a relationship with a person at the school I work at. Someone whose heart aligned with mine in some strange way. Her heart is connected to the Father and thus He connected her with me as tool to use for Him. We have been able to pray for each other and share our thoughts and concerns with each, knowing that we will be diligently praying for God's wisdom and guidance in each other's lives. Through her, God has opened my eyes and my mind to what He truly wants me to do..... From God, through her, " Maybe He is waiting for you to give it 100% to him before blessing you with a baby." Wow, this struck me hard. Had I not been giving all of this "stuff" to Him already? The following morning, God reminded me, "Let go! Rest in me. Seek Me. When you begin to think or worry about these things, give them over to me, each time." "each time" That means I must continue to hand these things to the Lord. Not just once, but every day! When they trickle into my mind to try and control, give them to Him! Easier said than done, right? With this, I started handing these things over daily and told Jon God's words from this. We have started each morning, praying together, releasing these situations in our lives into the Father's hands. We continue to wait on His blessings as we do as He asked of us. This brings me to the beginning...as I was driving home from my half day of work, today, God sent "Come before Me," once again. Then I heard, "There is nothing in your way, come before me." So I came home, turned on worship music and went before our Lord, face to the ground in worship to my Loving Father. Immediately, He brought an amazing vision to me: A woman with a handful of wild flowers, wildly out of control, but blooming so beautifully in color. She hand me a bunch of them as I was worshipping God. She then turned and gave some to another woman and continued to do this with others. Lord, what did this mean? Our lives are like wild flowers. Before the blooms, they appear as weeds, needing to be cut down, but wait.....give them time...wait for their perfect time and they will bloom into a radiant beautiful flower and overcome the weed it once was thought to be. Your life may seem so tangled and like a field of weeds, but wait on Him and you will bloom through His outpouring of blessings showering over you to turn your life into beauty. Wow...I quickly wrote this down and went back to His feet, knowing that He wasn't finished. On my knees, head on the ground, and hands over my head, "Lord, please come and dwell in this place..." "You have to surrender, everyday. It's not just a one time occurence. Human nature wants you to control every aspect of your life. You need to come to me, daily, and surrender control to Me. I am here to receive everyday, but you have to be willing to give/surrender to Me, everyday. Are you ready to surrender, today? Then open your hands and hand them to me." Confirmation....I felt like He was telling me ....do you get the picture, yet? How many times must I remind you? Loud and clear! God is so patient with us and knows exactly what we need and when we need it or need to hear it. I believe that God is in control of my life, no matter how out of control it may seem to me. He has each detail in the palm of His hand and I will rest, now, knowing that He is in control. Thank you, Lord, for loving me so much that You would continue to wait on me. Thank you for my sweet friend at school that has encouraged me and given me someone to talk to that "gets me." Thank you for opening my heart to your words and for letting the Holy Spirit continue to nudge me on a daily basis to bring to your feet. I am so blessed.

Rest

Inconsistant - Me; Constant - God; Wavering - Me; Steadfast - God; Broken - Me; Mender - God; Scared - Me; Comforter - God. I realize it has been almost a month since I have sat down and updated our blog and I apologize to those of you who have been checking on a weekly basis for updates. Let me just start by saying that my heart is torn and guarded. Our lives never seem to slow down and I know that God is working diligently to pave our path toward Him, but sometimes my heart longs for rest.... "rest in my presence" He says.... I so desperately want to, but how do I rest? We have not had any leads for possible matches since the twins, which brought my hope to a sudden halt. "Father, what is going on? Isn't this your will for us? Have we not been patient? Have we not been faithful through the numerous trials You brought us through? I need a break, Lord!" I cry from a longing heart of a mother! God continues to mold my faith, as you can see. I am not going to sugar coat it....It's tough! Trusting Him is so hard in the face of trials, but I have to cling to the promise that He is holding my hand and my heart through all of this He has set before me. As we continue to watch the websites for possible situations, one of them posted a message: "Unfortunately we are coming up on a slower time of the year and do not have as many situations to match." Devastation set in, along with a sense of panic for our finances waiting to be utilized for our baby. I quickly e-mailed our precious case worker and asked, "Is this normal? There are slow times for adoption?" As always, she was quick to respond and ease my worries with explanations, kind and supportive words, and prayers for our family. Still a little sad about the prospect of having to wait longer, I settle into the idea of moving forward and trusting God in His timing. In the meantime, we began the exciting process of turning our guest bedroom into a nursery. Nick, Jon, and I painted the room a soft green color (called Cucumber Melon). It turned out wonderful...soft and subtle! We also took a couple of hours to put our baby's crib together. Our baby has a bed! We haven't added any other furniture or decorations, besides a small rabbit (given to our little one by his aunt Kristi and Uncle Peter from Finland) and a grey elephant that sit upon the top of the crib awaiting their precious little one. Jon and I will gradually add a dresser and the rocker/glider to the room as God provides the means and the furniture. My wonderful Aunt Gladys is on standby, now with paint sample in hand, to make our baby's bedding. We are so blessed that our family has offered their time and talents to help provide for our special baby! Thank you!! We will continue to trust God's provision for the room and continue to pray over our little one's room, until then. On days when my hope seems low and almost gone, God always seems to give me peace, "Keep your hope in me....not in the process," He spoke to me today. "I have my plan and it's perfect for your family. Don't rush it or slow it down. Let me hold it for you. Trust me. Cast your cares, your fears, your anxieties on Me. Let me take them, while you rest in my presence." Rest! There it is again! Rest.... one of the definitions being /peace of mind or spirit/. "Father, you are my peace...my rest....when my heart is confused, sad, and anxious. I find my peace/rest in You. Thank you for filling my heart and mind with your peace." For those of you who still would like to give to our adoption fund, we are still hoping for funds through the Lifesong for Orphans fundraising program. We are still $15K short of our goal to bring our little one home. Please let me know if you would like to donate through Lifesong for the tax credit and I will get the information to you. We are so blessed by our family and friends that have helped so far. Please help bring our little one home!