Straight from freedom into Blessing

So, not 20 minutes after I posted the previous post, did God set His promise into place.  I got a call from one of our agencies we are working with.  She called me and said, "I have some sad news, but some good news."  Not quite sure what to think about that, but knowing part of it meant that we weren't matched with the birth mom we had been waiting to hear from for two weeks, I sat in listened.  She said, "well birth mom L chose the other family, but we do have another situation we want to talk to you about."  Hmm.this is new.  "This is an agency pick situation, where the agency picks the family, because the birth mom does not want to and we would like to know if you would like to match with her?"  WHAT?!  Of course.  I listened to her tell me about mom as tears streamed down my face with complete gratitude and humility at the goodness of God.  Mom is due on November 4th!  That's in two weeks!  I tell you, when God tells us to move and we obey then he does not delay on his Word and promise.  Needless to say, we are downright thrilled and excited.  We still have reservation as with any adoption until all papers have been signed, but we are handing it over to God and trusting Him!

 As we look at the amazing donations and funding that we have been blessed with for our adoption, we discover we are still $9,000 short to be able to complete this match.  We have been asked to have all funding turned in with our contract by Monday, October 28th.  We know that God is our provider and are continuing to press into his arms with complete trust.

We are first and foremost asking you to stand alongside of us in prayer as we trust in God's provision and wisdom to bring her home in two weeks.  If you feel God is leading you to help fill in the gap to bring our baby girl home, you can donate through our paypal account linked to this page.  We are so grateful for all of the prayers that have been covering our family and look forward to sharing how God moves through this journey to bring our baby girl home.

From Bondage into Freedom

This is perhaps one of the hardest posts I have ever written, but it comes out of extreme faith and obedience to God.  I'm cringing on the inside as I begin to type, knowing that my whole heart is about to be exposed...more exposed than I have ever let it be outside of my own thoughts.  My stomach is churning, my heart is racing, and I'm near shaking with nerves and anguish, but I know that with complete obedience, comes complete redemption and grace from God, my Father.

As we began this adoption journey, nearly a year ago, God told me that this was a journey of trust, provision, and His glory, not just adding to our family.  I sort of thought I knew what that meant, but not until recently did this come to the surface for our family, specifically to me.  As many of you know, I have dealt with medical issues from the very beginning of our marriage.  Deep down I knew that these were signs of something deeper...something spiritual, but I couldn't quite pinpoint it.  I struggled for 10 years of endometriosis and the pain and side effects of it.  I struggled with debilitating migraines.  I was attacked with random ailments, such as a stenosis in my ureter affecting my kidney, a hernia, and more recently the diagnosis of a gluten allergy.  With every diagnosis, I remember going to Jon and asking why, then crying out to God with the same question and frustration of why this could continually happen to someone who followed God and put others before herself.  I began doubting God's ability to heal me and wondered if this was what was meant for me.  I began opening the doors to the spirit of doubt into my life.  I left the door cracked open at the first diagnosis and the enemy began to open it a little more adding to my ailments...all while I was unaware.  In addition, with each new diagnosis, my heart was growing dark.  I didn't know it was growing, because I felt and thought that I was trusting God completely with my health and thought he was going to heal me....eventually.  I even told people, "maybe God just has adoption for our family and He was closing the door with these illness." or I would say, "it could be worse, I'm just going to pray through it."  When in reality, I was angry, mad, frustrated, and becoming increasingly bitter and jealous.  That little crack into my heart and spirit was beginning to go from the tiny crack to being wide open to these horrible spirits that were wrecking my life, not only spiritually, but physically!  I was in bondage and I didn't even know it!!

So what did this look like?  This is the part that breaks my heart, but it is how the enemy destroyed me!  The spirit of jealousy stepped in the moment my younger sister got pregnant with her first child and we had just recently had a failed fertility treatment.  I remember sobbing and crying and wondering why.  I was sad, but my anger and frustration turned into jealousy and bitterness toward her, although I did not outwardly show this, it was burning inside my heart and seeping quickly into my health.  This horrible jealousy and bitterness controlled me and re-surfaced every time a friend got pregnant.  I would hide my feelings and thoughts so deeply and outwardly be so excited for them and want the best for them, which I did and was excited, but Satan was twisting my heart, internally.  With every pregnancy, it got worse, and I got unfortunately, better at hiding my internal feelings of bitterness, sadness, frustration, and jealousy.  I learned to avoid situations that would bring these feelings forward or hide away.  I would speak words of resentment toward them, but not at them, yet still hurtful, because my heart had turned.  All the while, I was "happy" for them.  Through these nine years, my heart grew heavy, so heavy that my health became unbearable!  I lost 10 pounds in 9 months!
Before I move forward, I need to ask for forgiveness for those friends and family members that I so dearly love, yet my heart was ugly during their most amazing time.  I let the enemy into my heart and I don't feel I was able to celebrate with you like I should have and for that I am so deeply sorry and hope that you can forgive me.  You know who you are, especially, if you received this update through e-mail.  You and your children are jewels and I'm so grateful to be their aunts and to be your friends!

As this adoption began, I felt there was something deeper to this journey.  God kept reminding me, it's not about the adoption, it's about the journey to your heart and the hearts of others, which is meant to bring glory to me, your Father.  I continued to trust God daily and through each "no" from a birth mom, but my heart was still struggling.  God yanked me one day as I went in to see my OB for just a regular appointment.  I went in with horrible abdominal pain and was so worried about the outcome of this appointment.  As she examined me and asked questions, she noticed that my uterus was shifted and possible attached to my ovary.  I was so overwhelmed with sadness, that my eyes began tearing up.  She scheduled me for a sonogram to see if we had cysts and what was going on.  I walked out of that office discouraged about the thought of more surgeries.  This was on a Friday.  On Sunday morning, I don't even remember the sermon, but God pressed into my heart to step forward for prayer.  I walked from the back of the church to the front, tears welling up and fell apart into this very sweet lady's arms.  I wanted freedom and healing.  I needed a miracle.  I was done.  She prayed that God would bring to my heart and mind anything preventing healing and then declared healing over my body.  That next month, God brought to the surface all of the bondage and the links it had over my life!  I worked through it daily with the Lord and confessing it to Jon.  My heart began changing.  I felt lighter and happier for the first time in nine years.  My contentment was overwhelming, because He was filling my heart with so much peace and joy that it was overflowing.  Kept pressing into God whenever the enemy would try and attack and he fought for me.  The bondage was gone!!  On October 11th, Jon and I returned to the doctor, anxious, to have the sonogram.  I told her what my history was and what the doctor was expecting to find.  She wrote it down and then began the sonogram.  I took a deep breath and just prayed, "God, thank you for your healing.  I trust in you no matter what."  She was taking her measurements and then asked, where did she say the uterus was tilted and attached?  I told her again, and she said, "hmmm, this looks unremarkable to me.  Let me show you.  Normal. and here...normal...and here...normal..."  I then asked, "no cysts?"  "No...this is a perfect sonogram."  I then proceeded to say, " I have never heard that, not in the last 10 years.  I have always had a cyst or abnormality."  "Well, this is not abnormal.  Everything looks perfect."  We walked out of that office, a bit baffled, but in complete shock and gratitude for healing!!  I waited to hear from the doctor for confirmation and sure enough same thing.
All this to say, my spiritual bondage had impacted my health so dramatically that the release and freedom from the bondage allowed healing to break through in my body.  God does heal!  He is healing and He healed me, mind, heart, and body!
God has been so faithful to me and I am declaring that I am healed by God's grace and by His hand.  This is my testimony, that I have walked through and out of bondage into the healing graces and power of my Lord Jesus Christ.  I hope that this will give you a hope that God listens, loves, and is healing today.

Internal anguish brought to the surface

"There is no fear in love.  But perfect love drives out fear...." 1 John 4:18

A verse that has been prayed over Nick, since he moved in with us.  A verse that he has memorized and has imprinted upon his heart, yet this fear seems to be fighting back!  Nick has recently started seeing a psychiatrist as his emotions, heart, self-esteem, and anxieties have changed in the last couple of years.  As a mom, I knew we would be experiencing this with Nick, only because it is part of the symptoms of FASD, but never imagined it to the degree it is.  As we sat at the doctor's office and were talking about how things were going, I felt things were getting so much better.  Nick didn't seem to be on a constant roller coaster of emotions.  He said, he enjoyed his school work more, because he could focus and that he continued to like gymnastics.  I then asked the doctor about an incident that occurred at his gym, where Nick froze in fear over a skill that he is able to do.  This comment led to about 20 minutes of Nick's heart falling out all over the place.  I was in complete shock and felt so terrible as a mom at this moment in time.

 As we started probing Nick a little bit we realized that Nick is really, really struggling with self-worth/self-esteem, anxiety, and just plain internal anguish.  His words in our appointment, "I'm just never as good as everyone else in the gym.  Everyone thinks I'm a weirdo and stupid, because I struggle with my back handspring and can't remember what I'm suppose to do.  They look at me like I'm stupid and different.  The girls all hate me and think I'm dumb and make fun of me.  They won't ever listen to me and then they call me names.  They will talk to everyone else, but not me, because I'm weird.  Everyone hates me at the gym.  I just can't do anything right."  This was all said in different chunks as we were beginning to get him to open up.  He just kept repeating, "Everyone hates me because I'm weird."  I was completely floored by this and as he started talking more and more, tears started welling up in his eyes.  I felt horrible as a mom.  This is just what is going on in Nick's head that he is just plain unable to verbalize, until today! We are so incredibly grateful with Nick's gym and coach, who have  been so understanding and willing to listen to us as parents and help Nick become successful. God has placed Nick in this gym and we are truly blessed.  Regardless of the anxiety, Nick loves his gym and his coach, per recent conversation with Nick.  We believe God has aligned the gym in Nicks life for this specific reason.

As we started attempting to walk Nick through these feelings of unworth, he could not seem to see himself as I see him.  "Fearfully and wonderfully made!"  All the way home, well first to Chick-fil-a, I was fighting the tears as I kept thinking, how can did I not see this.  My inadequacy overwhelmed me, but God gently reminded me to love Nick as He loves me.  Unconditionally.  Take more quiet time with Nick and open up about life with him.  So we did...at Chick-fil-A.  

It's so hard to imagine a child struggling so deeply and so often, but it is happening within Nick.  My heart breaks thinking about the internal anguish he lives with on a daily basis.  He seems to hide it well, doesn't he?  But, watching my "tough" kid cry because his heart, mind, and spirit were falling apart and no one even knew crushed all that I am.  I write this knowing that we have so many who read this and this is a cry of a mom's heart to pray for my child's heart, mind, and spirit.  God has him in his hands, but his little spirit is internally battling the evil spirits of anxiety, fear, self worth, depression, and anger.  Please take a few moments to pray over Nick, because I know I cannot do this on my own.  

Someone once said, "it takes a village to raise our children."  Please be our village for Nick...

Our "waiting" season.

I never have time to just sit down and just write without interruptions, but when God opens a window of time in my day and says, "write. show them my goodness."  I must obey.  So, as my two beautiful blessings are currently playing nicely together, I write and share with you how God is moving within our family during our "waiting."

All our paperwork and applications have been completed and sent in to agencies and grant committees at this point.  We are in what I call the "waiting" season of adoption.  What are we "waiting" on.

 First, we are waiting on continued approval for grants and funding.  We are so honored and blessed to have been selected for a non interest covenant Loan with ABBA fund, recently.  This loan will not cover all of our expenses, but it is definitely an answer to prayer for our family, if this is needed.  We have two outstanding applications awaiting approval for grants, Show Hope and Gift of Adoption.  We completely understand that we are most likely one of hundreds applying for these grants, so please pray alongside of us for favor in the Committees eyes for these grants.  So, where are we at with our funding?  We have about half of our funding needed for a match at this point, but we are not losing hope that the remainder will be here in just the right timing.  Because, like God has always done...He will provide for the calling He has set us on.

Second, we are waiting for a special momma to choose us to care for and raise her little one into the Kingdom of God!  We have been shown to some birth moms, but haven't been the right match for their little ones.  We have not lost heart in these situations, knowing that God's perfect plan is in front of us and we will move into it with a trusting heart.

Third, we are living the life, God has set in front of us each day.  Loving our boys, planning for Nick's schooling at home, preparing for Elijah to go to Mother's Day out (sniff, sniff), and gradually making changes to our home in preparation for our new one.  In the middle of it all, God is moving!  Through this adoption, thus far, we are learning that ultimately trusting God is the only way to make it through each day.  He has given both of us different ways to learn to rely completely on Him and to bring us together for the sake of His calling on our family.  You see, God works in our hearts individually in order to align each of us together for what He has prepared for us.  We see are lessons in trusting Him beginning to align, but we still have some much needed work before that.

We pray that God will move in our family in a way that only He can and that He will be glorified, completely in all that is done.  None of this is our doing, but all comes together because of God.

We are praying and exploring another fundraiser that we hope will fill a little more of our gap, so keep your eyes open on facebook and through e-mail for a link or information.  In the meantime, if you feel led to give to our adoption with a tax-deductible donation, you can still donate through Life Song, which in a previous post I posted information on how to do that.

Blessings from the Stewart Clan!

"I love you, no matter what you do."

I often wonder why God has placed me onto the paths that I am on in my life and even admit to wishing that I was on another.  If you have read the beginnings of this blog, you would know that our life has not been the easiest, but looking back we can all agree that God has blessed through the trials.  Today, I felt as though I was both grateful for the path I was given and then wishing my path was the one next to mine.  
The reason I am writing this post is to give you my transparent view of being a mother of a child affected by Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder.  Where to even begin.....

My precious child, Nick, was born to a mother, who loved him dearly, yet was captured by alcohol and smoking.  This in turn affected Nick's development and the rest of my child's life.  I have written before about a day in the life of Nick, but never gave you the mindset of me as I am travelling through the day with him.  Each day with Nick is never the same.  We never know what our day is going to involve.  Each morning as I spend my brief time with the Lord, I pray over him.  I ask God to heal his mind, change his heart, and get him through the day with clarity.  I then venture out and wake Nick up for the day.

I want you to understand that I love my child so extremely much that I couldn't imagine my life without him and that my thoughts are human thoughts and that God is doing a great work in my heart through Nick.

Honestly, as I go to get Nick up, my mind is fighting my heart ever so much as to whether or not I want to wake him up or not.  You see, like I said before, I don't know what Nick's mindset will be in the morning.  If I wake up Nick with a ," Hey Nick, we need to get up and get ready for .... " The response may be, "I don't want to." or "leave me alone."  or "I love you mom." or "what are we doing today," or just nothing and refuses to get out of bed.  If I wake Nick up with a, "Nick?  are you ready to get up?" I may receive pretty much the same answers as above.  It does not even matter how, what, or when I get Nick up, I truly do not know the response I will get.  I am scared.

I try very hard to remember all of the great advice from the FASD group I'm a part of when talking with or to Nick.  Such as, is this a behavior of defiance?  Or perhaps, does he not understand my instructions?  or maybe I said to much...slow it down...one step at a time.  Or Maybe he didn't hear me.  Wait, I have to remember he is really functioning half his age. Or maybe his brain is on shut down.  Oh my!  It's so hard to determine what is going on in his head because it's never the same when the action doesn't happen.  I become overwhelmed.

Some people/friends try to understand our strict rules of no video games, limited tv, and no tv after dinner.  Let me educate you a little bit on how my son's brain changes when he is overly visually stimulated.  When a tv, video game, or even a phone with games for that matter, are placed in front my son, it's as if his "eyeballs become glued to the tv."  Yep, I just said that.  Jon and I use that term a lot!  Nothing goes into Nick's brain and nothing comes out when he is getting this type of stimulation.  I truly fear these moments, because when those things go away, my child's brain cannot readjust.  What does that mean?  A meltdown!  I don't mean the whining and saying why can't I watch more, it's not fair.  I mean the kicking, screaming, stomping, huffing, puffing, slamming meltdown. We had one of those tonight! So please do not be offended or think I am too strict when I say, Nick is not allowed to play video games when your kids come to visit, because then your child will not want to come again.  So, what do we do when mom needs a break?  Good question!  I am exhausted.


I love the moments when Nick comes up behind me and wraps his arms around me and says, "Mom, you are the best mom in the world! I love you so much!"  This makes those constant battles, meltdowns, and breaks downs worth going through..... until it happens all over again..tomorrow.  I feel loved and appreciated.

Being Nick's mom is truly an honor bestowed upon me by God.  I doubt everyday my ability to be a mom to Nick and often wonder why and how I can keep going, but God is faithful and is my strength.  There are even days when I sit in my room just crying and praying, please God heal my son, make this go away, yet knowing this is who God created and that God will be using Nick's story as an amazing testimony.  I have days where I just want to hide as a meltdown ensues, but God pulls me out of the door to meet this head on and bring our child into the arms of God.  Some days, I just want to pull him into my arms as his anxiety overwhelms him to the point of crying or withdrawal, but am learning to walk him through it in prayer and scripture.  I have days, where I just want to pretend batteries, water guns, paper, and balloons never existed.  We have some days, where I just want to sit in my bed out of pure exhaustion from the days many meltdowns, searching obsessions, and anxiety moments of done me in.  

We strive to carve scripture into his heart so much that my child may not be able to remember his math facts, but he can recite so much scripture that God has imprinted into his heart for the battles that God is helping him and will continue to help him fight in the future.

Although each day brings me something different with Nick, I know that God will always be whispering to me through Nick, "Your the best mom in the world, and I love you so much!"  God makes me the mom I am, faults and all, He still loves me unconditionally and if I teach Nick anything, I want him to know that as God loves us all no matter what we do, I love him no matter what you do!

"Be Joyful in Hope, Patient in affliction, faithful in prayer."

  This past week has been filled with blessings and downfalls for our family, which makes for an exhausting week.  God blessed us beyond our expectations at the beginning of the week, knowing that we were about to walk through some trials intended to stretch our hearts into more trusting, leaning, and seeking Him.  Hmm...interesting how God knows us so well!

On Sunday, Jon and I attended a Habitation service for Gateway in Southlake.  After the enemy kept trying to prevent us from going, we picked ourselves up and attended the most refreshing, renewing, and encouraging service we have attended in awhile!  The worship was amazing!  The testimonies of healing brought tears to our eyes and hope in our hearts!  The prayers for specific healing gave us a complete trust and belief that God has healed us!  We stood in the threshold for family, friends, and then for ourselves.  God moved in that service and we were personally touched!  I wasn't going to share our personal experience through this, but I feel this is how God will be glorified when God's promise is fulfilled.  There were Words of healing for many different illnesses, physical, mental, etc.  One of the pastors stood up and spoke a Word of Healing for couples dealing with infertility and the desire to get pregnant.  I looked at Jon and felt our time had past for this and our calling is now adoption.  Well, God answered that response with, "You may not think you can't get pregnant, because you have been dealing with it for so long and you feel you have moved on, but God's desire is still deep within you."  Ok, Lord...here we are!  Let's stand and declare that I am healed and you will pursue us!  As we stood for healing and for pregnancy, Tears streamed down my face.  I'm not sure if this was joy, sadness, fear, excitement or what, but I chose to depend completely on God in this situation and just let go of my desires and assumptions that I "thought" God wanted for me and believe that He is almighty and He is good!  We continued to worship and declare/pray for healing over many people in this service.  God moved!!
As we were getting ready to leave, weaving through the thousands of people that attended this service, a lady, Grace is her name, came up behind me and tap me on the shoulder.  I turned and she reached out to me and says, "I wanted to tell you, that God gave me a Word for you this evening.  He says you are healed and you will be pregnant soon."  My response as I'm holding back tears, "Really?! (my doubt!!)"  "Yes," she answers.  I asked her what her name was and gave her mine and just pulled her in for a hug, thanking her over and over for her courage and obedience.  Grace's name and face will be forever in my mind!  God enabled her to find me through the crowds of thousands ...rewind a bit..she was sitting down the aisle from me in the sanctuary... and give this encouraging Word from God... keep trusting and obeying me through adoption, because I'm not done with you yet and your deepest desires are still mine.  Your heart for adoption is not my only desire for you.  This was so encouraging for Jon and I.
This was the beginning of a few more blessings that occurred, but then the trials hit us.  Some dealing with Jon's job, our adoption with different situations, our kids, sickness, etc. I'm not going to lie, they were difficult and filled my mind with doubt, anxiety, and a feeling of confusion, but God woke me this morning, reminding me, "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." Romans 12:12.  I went to my knees a lot this week, but then slowly let my fears interfere with what God was trying to teach me.  It brings me back to his Word, "Trust in me with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding...."

"Father, my life is yours!  I release my anxieties, hopes, and desires into your hands.  You do know the plans for me, not to harm, but to prosper.  You are refining my soul through trust and complete dependence on You. Thank you for never giving me anything that you know I can't handle, but giving me just enough to stretch my faith and complete trust in You."

Quick update on our adoption:  We have been shown to one birth mom, but was not a match for her.  Currently, we are being shown to a birth mom, whom is pregnant with a little one that we do not know the gender of.  Those of you who know me, know my extreme desire to adopt a little girl.  We felt God lead us to trust in Him and to be shown to her, regardless, because He knows what our family looks like and not us!  Trusting fully in Him.  

If you still have the desire to help us with our adoption, please let me know how you can fill our gap.

Trusting in God's Promises,
Tiffany

Mom; Guilty of disobedience. Nick; victim of mom's disobedience.

This post has been whirling around in my head for weeks... I hear the Lord whispering into my spirit and wanting me to be transparent.  Transparent to those I don't know, although I feel as though I have been so transparent and open to everyone through this blog, He continues to tell me, "transparent enough for everyone to see ME?"  Perhaps I am not being "transparent" in the eyes of the Lord.

You see, God moves in His time...never in the time I would like Him to move....but in perfect time.  His perfect time for healing, provision, and redirection.  I am by far NOT perfect and I am truly a struggling mom and woman striving to please everyone around me...yet I seem to have missed someone very important....My Father, My Creator.  This has been the area of redirection God has called me...yes, me..into these past ...oh 3 months or so.  What does this look like?  What does this mean?  I believe this looks different for each person, depending on where God wants to mold your character.  For me...it's Obedience.

Whoa!!  Obedience?!  Yes.  How can my children follow/obey me when I'm directly not obeying my Heavenly Father?  No, I'm not doing anything illegal in the eyes of this world.  Perhaps, I'm doing everything right in the eyes of this world, but I'm not obeying God, completely.  Confused, yet?  So was I when he spoke this into my heart.

God calls us to follow Him, to trust Him, completely.  When He says move, speak, or go, what should we do?  Wait a few days?  Perhaps a couple of months...or for me..years?  No, we should obey in faith knowing that He knows our path and the plans for us.  Why, now?  Good question that I have chosen to confess to the Lord my disobedience and lack of trust in Him, therefore I am forgiven and now can live freely in his arms....Now I'm not saying that I don't falter, have a time of fear, or lack of faith, but I can now recognize and feel the rebuking quite a bit faster than before.  My first huge leap of faith and obedience?

Here goes.... Many know that God called me to be a stay at home mom, perhaps years ago, but our fear of provision prevented us from taking that complete leap of faith until a year ago.  What I learned in that year has brought me to the point that I am right now.  God provided all our needs on one income... an income based on commission and complete trust on God's provision.  As we moved Nick from an amazing, small private school to a school where I would be teaching some of his concepts, we felt God's hand in this and felt this was a transition point for Nick and our family.  At the time, we were not quite sure what that was, but I was relieved to have special education assistance and the ability to work more and more with Nick at home.  As the year moved forward, God started speaking into my heart his educational plan for our children, again.

 Let me rewind a bit....  Nick has moved from a variety of different "traditional" school settings in his lifetime with this hovering thought that it was not quite right.  We couldn't quite pinpoint what was wrong, but knew God knew and so we continued to be educational "nomads."  I had a feeling of inadequacy when it came to my child's needs and education, so we kept looking for help and the "perfect school" for Nick.

 Back to present... Well, God made it pretty clear this past spring as we were talking about how his first year at his school went and what he did and did not like about it.  The response we got was astounding and absolutely broke our hearts.  "Mom, it's okay.  I like my teachers, but I don't have any friends.  The kids don't like me."  He then proceeded to tell Jon in a separate conversation, "Dad, I don't feel 'safe' there." Holding back the tears as my child's heart is broken and we put him into this situation, because I felt inadequate and didn't obey God, years ago!!  So, I went through a time of frustration, anger, sadness, and just plain feeling sorry for myself, because my child was seeing a psychologist and I was making it worse because of the situation I put him in.  Guilty!!!!  Oh, Lord, please help us!!  This was my.... "Tiffany, it's time to obey Me completely and trust Me completely!" moment!

God spoke directly to me...
"I have equipped you, Tiffany.  Nick is your son because you are strong, you are patient, and your are loving.  I will fill you up in your moments of inadequacy, but rely on me, not yourself.  Continue to listen to me and obey me.  The path may not be easy, but I am with you and Nick is going to be a man after my heart because of your sacrifices.  Protect his heart and mind from conforming to the world.  He is so precious and needs your shelter."

What does this mean?  God has called us to home school Nick and our children.  I know...a bit scary, but I know that I must obey and trust God in faith that He will give me strength, energy, wisdom and knowledge to guide him.  More importantly, God will be able to work in His heart more closely and build his character to His and not the worlds.  I know many of you will think I am crazy and this is ridiculous, but I know in my heart and have had many forms of confirmation in this that I will choose to ignore the words and thoughts the enemy tries to plant and follow God in faith for my children's lives.  Yes, I know.  It will not always be easy, but God is in control and God has surrounded me with so much support that we cannot fail.  What does Nick think?  Well...in the past, Nick refused this thought, but he is so excited about this that he is telling everyone and even started his curriculum this summer!  If that's not a direct confirmation of God's will....I don't know what else would be!

Our lives our continuously in motion, but we are moving in the waves of our Father instead of the world's.  We ask that you pray for our family and that we continue to listen and obey our Father.  Another post soon on our adoption update!!